lurking, spreading, covering, prottecting

all is dark
your smile, my eyes
radiating out
blackness of aeons before
stored there for times
thick, black clumps of mass
hits my face, your face
our face
all is dark

oh the night
my beautiful night
the one of eternal darkness
we are safe here my dear

I shall rot here with thou

holding thy head in my arms
as I slowly lower it on the ground
it's dark here and the harsh wind
it get's caught in my strawlike hair
my mind is filled with emptiness
I can feel how it's cold hand
reaches for my throat
my eyes are numb as I
gaze upon thee
you were there just a second ago
I spoke to you just a minute ago
where did thou go?
my fingers in your hair
I close my eyes
the scent the scent just let me keep her scent
each breath - sharp pain in the chest
a hand upon my heart
the other on my throat
do you remember?
that time in woods
you were hiding and for a moment it seemed
that thought almost killed me
have mercy. please take me with
don't leave me behind
her eyes her eyes
just one last glance
I think I saw your eyelids twitch
gaze fix frozen
I think I saw your trembling lips
heart skips a beat
as a wounded animal I now lay beside thou
oh thou art so beautiful my love
my had on thy chests
so still they are so quiet
my limbs are the ones of statues
yours.. the ones of sweet breeze
I will keep on moving
but my life ends here

pretty little dice on board

bruises bruises kiss and restless
play the game of innocent blame
raw meat and nothing more
you want my raw meat and nothing more?

bruises bruises kiss and restless
play the game of innocent blame

laughter teeth and tongue between
eyes and touch and burning lust
anger hate and innocent blame

can I take it?
can't I take it?

love rage happiness pain
higher higher higher die
rise above it all and none
alone alone alone we stand
together all alone we stand

so the story can be told
the story of blame and innocent game

and fortune will come
for one and both
for all and none

written word of innocent game
filled pages of innocent fame

bruises bruises kiss and restless
play the game of innocent blame

the story must go on
the story will go on

now and then but in the end

Sometimes I hate
how aware I am
Sometimes I wish
I could just be ignorant
Sometimes I hate
how emotional I am
Sometimes I wish
I could just be numb
Sometimes I hate
how far I am
Sometimes I wish
I could just be there
Sometimes I hate
how serious I am
Sometimes I wish
I could just be dumb

I'm not



the highest mountain and the lowest pit

good morning dear sir

ordinary man with a half rotten face
passed me today
and took of his hat
I saw a worm
hanging out of his skull
a big greasy maggot
with eyes filled with greed

the greyness of the skin
from that one rotten side
matched the one
you can see in TV shows

other side was fine
pink, peachy and gay
so full of youth
so full of life

I guess his telly broke down

7th minute of the 7th hour

I just have... to... write something down [just for the sake of writing something down]

the trees behind my window
dying sunlight on the twigs
light with age of 480 seconds
gently plays upon my skin

seesaw

and I
don't
know
where am I now
and I
don't
dare
to look around
and all
I
hear
is...
slash of the waves, cracks of the planks, crew on the deck, rope around my neck

wind is light
knot is tight
stool is still
mind is ill

and I
don't
know
where am I now
and I
don't
dare
to look around
in the breeze
I
hear...
please don't go

blood red pasta

I am full
there's something on the plate
can't get it down
stuck up and overflow

radiate out

and then they said we have to go further. spiral out. out of control? no.. they do not believe in control for them there is no such thing as control. and the planets passed us and the stars passed us and the galaxies passed us and the universe passed us and then.. then the quarks passed us and the electrons passed us and the atoms passed us and the molecules passed us and then we passed us

15 to 10

the train has left the station.. I never really got there.. only heard from a distance as it want away.. I stood there wondering.. did I really wanted to get on it? or maybe I just like to feeling of missing something.. I never manage to make it on time even when I leave early I always end up being late and this is a modern world we live in.. modern rushful world in which no one really waits they all have places to go to, things to do, stuff to take care of.. I am not from this time.. even tough I always end up being late I am still waiting.. and what if they come back?
I can hear the metalic beat as the train wheels hit the rails and it says
"nowhere to rush"

do my bidding I am thine slave

put thy hands upon me
cares me, embrace me
that art what I crave for
put thy hands upon me
gaze me, undress me
that art what I crave for
under the silver moon
under the darkened sky
catch me, save me
that art what I yearn for

as she glanced upon thee

"Thou art charming my dear" she said while caressing her cheek with white, icy fingers that seemed to be made out of snow and sorrow. An electric spark ran all trough her body from the place she had touched her, making even the tiniest of muscles wince all at once, stopping her heart for a fraction of a second and taking her breath far away to the place she had came from.

under the infulence of Butterfly (by Tapping The Vein)

look at me now
I'm participating in a homicide
look at me now
I'm killing them all in my head
they don't know it yet
but they are corpses in my head
another new face meaningless
I'm participating in a homicide

photogenetic recap

and often we see the things they tell us as the things that really are
cold icy morning
snow caps on trees
two eyed monster with white burning eyes
passes
lonely wind greets me with a smile
she kissed me on the cheek as I left
walking for hours

morning of the remembrance

I just want
someone to understand
someone to hold my hand



last night
and I think they are back
last night
and it feels like I'm going back

but maybe
I never really moved
but maybe
it never really stopped

constant confusion
can you imagine what it's like?
utter confusion
try to imagine what it's like

and when the state aynt so
it's one of two
cold and empty [nothings never]
agonizing pain [please just let me die]

I am not just saying this
please try to understand
I am not just saying this
that's where I've really been



I just want
someone to understand
someone to hold me hand

and I fall again

thous things you keep to yourself will sooner or later eat you alive

The ones that didn't made it

I

dim light cracks trough
the missing brick in a wall
smooth coldness cracks trough
the lost piece of my soul

I lay on the floor
surrounded by nothing
whit thoughts of my dreams
supported by no one

endless void fills my head
abyss of despair
there's nowhere to go
abyss of despair
no one to call
abyss of despair
and the only thing left
is abyss of despair

II

isolation
the only way for me to be free
the only way to get rid of that smell
it smothers me bothers me
poison me poison me

all around
this place is so rotten
you are so rotten
they all are so rotten

the smell I can't stand it
around.. all around nothing
nothing but corpses
corpses pretending to be alive

I see them all
smiling and laughting
and I know it's all fake
thous bastards are rotten inside

isolation
the only way to set yourself free
the only way to get rid of that smell

it haunts me

III

you think you're so smart
just fuck off and die
you made become
this thing this beast
that knows nothing but hate
despair and rage
you made me become
the bringer of pain
where ever I go
death steps on my heels
the reaper is near
the reaper is here
I constantly feel
the cold breath on my neck
he's here to protect me
and I beg him how I beg him
salve me.. salve me...
he looked at me and said
"my child.. become my disciple..
spawn of the hell..
I'll open your eyes.. I will let you see
become my disciple"
and all I had to do
was to let him take me under his wings
now I do see
the world as it is
damned, infected, corrupted and ugly
and you made it happen
so thank you dear slut

IV

deep under
in shade of a frozen moon
on a boat of eternal solitude
into an ocean of endless despair
the wind of hundred year torment
blows in sails of scarfulled sacrifice
sky above a pit black void
no stars only white forstbiten moon
no sound no echo
just dreadful silence

nothing....

head full of static
life full of nothing
I want my hair to be crazy
just as fucked up as I am
I need a shock
I need my heart to be broken
so I can keep on bleeding
fuck love
I think I am going to give up on it
she's sucha bitch
brings nothing but
I should get more depressed
at least then I can create
this sate is even worse
head full of static
life full of nothing

Solitude Ways

I can not stand this
this feeling I thought I had lost
it's still haunting me
like something's missing
I can hear how the wind howls
while rushing trough
the massive hole in my chest
I want to lay on the floor
half dead staring at ceiling
coldness of the ground
it covers me again
and any minute now
I will collapse once more
and while staring at the ceiling
becoming all cold
I can not feel my body
only my eyes still gazes
only my thoughts still rushes
will I ever recover what I am missing?
will I ever found what I am looking for?
I can not lift my arms
will it ever come to me?
I can not move my lips
will it ever find me in silence?
I think I am fading
will it see me before it is too late?

disheartenment

tik-tik-tik-tik clock smashing in my head
with it's massive metal fist always hitting trough my skull
you have no time little girl
he yells at me trough his razor teeth
one clear point fixed at horizon
everything around is blur
I wish I could stop just for second
to see where I am to see with who I am
but if I stop the clock will get me
smash my head all on the floor
bleed to death without a choice
tired and sick I run with eyes closed
terror of ticking pulsing trough vanes
afraid so afraid that if stop I will die






wait for me.. outside.. will you hold on? can you hold on? wait for me.. outside.. will you hold on? can you hold on? wait for me... outside.. will you hold on? can you hold on? wait for me. outside.. will you hold on?.. can you hold on? wait for me... outside. will you hold on? can you hold on? wait for me... outside.. will you hold on? can you hold on?.. wait for me.. outside will you hold on? can you hold on?