I told you so

oh lolz... i just put a pause to write the previous entry.. now I started to watch again and that other chick is saying the exact same thing xD

pigeon suicide behind my window [oh please don't be so grim]

I'm somewhere here. won't you come to me? I'm somewhere here. oh please come to me. I have cookies and tea and punk rock music. you'll like it I promise. oh please don't be ashamed my doors are always open. even if they look grey and abandoned. just knock once, twice.. two sugars am I right?

that's what you get for burning my muffin

I really ought to get to know what that chick is saying there xD
you crave for power eh? well wait till I'll tie you down.. (oh yes I will tie you down)
you're crazy ass hoe
and I love you

you see that one up there? it looks like metamorphosis

and now I hope that she's watching something nice... I'm watching the clouds.. they are nice.. and I'm watching people in the windows... people are nice... it's a shame that rare who thinks so.. we get screwed over by some people.. we thought they were nice but then they turned into dickheads so now we think that all people are dickheads and when we meet someone who's nice we instantly asume that he'll trun into dickhead so if we stick around it's only to wait and see how that nice person turns into dickhead cause that's what nice people do right? and this will of ours to see them turning into dickheads turns them into dickheads in the end and then again we can say that we met this nice person who turned into dickhead... maybe we want people to turn into dickheads because we are dickheads ourself so we want to see other dickheads around us so we wouldn't feel alone.. stranger in the crowd you know... people are nice.. they just sometimes forget that... simple people are the nicest.. cause they are simple.. and simplicity is beautiful.. complex people have a lot of fears.. that makes them complex and not that nice as simple people.. fears makes us ugly cause fears makes us doubt and doubts turns us into dickheads... but in this world it's so hard to be simple.. it's imposible to have no fears and from that there is no other way then being a dickhead... but that is not true.. world is very simple so simple that we get bored by that so we make it more complex so we would have something to do.. to solve yet another problem made by some dickhead... people are nice.. they just sometimes forget about that.. they just sometimes get bored and that's all right let them have something to do if they are bored... I enjoy the beauty of simplicity too much to get bored by that.. most of the time at least

damn... where was the Sandman? the Sandman will come and when he does.. daddy.. the Sandman comes to daddy.. I've never seen his face but he comes and when he does... where was that? from where do I know that?

first rays of light over a frozen ground

if only she could see herself trough my eyes. I wish I could show her the way I see her. then she would have to admit that she's beautiful.. and it hurts so bad each time she doubts that.. if only I would know what to do.. how to show her how beautiful she is.. I say it. she calls me a liar.. she doesn't believe.. she thinks I'm imagining things.. she says I am blind and only dreaming but for the first time in my life I feel like I am out of the dream.. and I see her and she is so beautiful and it hurts so bad each time she doubts it.. if only she would know exactly how bad it hurts.. maybe then she would understand... she says she doesn't believe and leaves.. my hand reaches for the.. but it's no longer there.. right.. I took it away.. thought I won't want it... she is so beautiful.. and it hurts so bad.. if only I could show her

"Love... A Lost Vision" that has become reality

have I told you that I love you?
that I love your skin against mine, your tongue on me, your hands all over me
that I love your hair and your skin, your scent
the way you smile at me when I'm being silly, the way you look at me when I'm being my filthy self, the way you gaze somewhere far as your head's full of everything and nothing
that I love it when you sing along and there is no need to apologize for that my dear
I love your sarcastic ways and I love how sweet and fluffy you get when you find something ever so cute or lovely
I even love it when you're pissed of on everything and everyone cause when I then make you smile you... oh well you know it yourself don't you?
have I told you that I love you?

are we human or are we dancers? fuck that! we are writers!!!

she says she could have turned out to be ballerina... it would be cool to date one I guess.. with all that flexibility oh what couldn't we do *giggle* but then again when I think about it.. I much rather would date a writer.. they have that thing that hooks you up and drives you into another world full of might and magic... yeah I much rather would date a writer.. when you look into their eyes oh the seduction, temptation, mesmerization, captivation... like with them you could do anything but without them you would die

so you think you're thinking?

and now shoe's listening to Type O Negative... gosh girl I am trying to concentrate here xD
society acts like species.. read Origin of Species it's all about society we are nothing but animals and we act like they do too.. relationships are natural.. any kinda relationships.. it's all based on instincts.. look at them all.. nothing but beings fighting for their survival and existence... the basic laws of nature we haven't gone anywhere away from them
all our actions are basted on instincts we can not control
now I am lightly over reading the Origin of Species and I still can't get over how amazingly brilliant that old guy writes

Here we go boys and girls!

another year has passed.. just another year.. but somehow.. this upcoming one feels like.. like it's going to be simply brilliant.. ever since the midnight of this day I have lived with none of thous fucking hurdles.. fucking the doubts and just doing what I want to... without no bloody "oh maybe I shouldn't" fuck that shit! you want it? then do it... and I do.... she asked if there is anything I can't do... when I think about it now.. I think there isn't.. I can do anything.. everything that I want I just have to put my mind to it.. or my guts.. one of thous depending on the case.. and it's all thanks to her.. and only her

song of yesterday



song of today

a morning isn't a morning without a feeling of a morning

Deadmau5 and Darwin thous mates should drink a cup of tea some time together... they should call the Doctor to get to each other though... still it's a brilliant way to start a day... should watch some anime too... don't have anything light again xD the lightest thing I have no is The High School Of The Dead I think xD actually it's bloody good but what do you want it's horror + ecchi so what comes from it? the two great B's... Blood and Boobs... it's a new one too so the quality is really good... only 30 [or so] pages to go.. it looks like I am going to fulfill the task given by my dear mate.. to finally finish it till the end of a year... well then.. it was nice seeing you ;-) I am going back to dive into pulsing waves of Deadmau5 & Darwin

oh and last night I fell asleep to the Kafka's Castle and woke up an hour or so later to that 4h track.... how awesome is that? xD

one more thing about the HSOFD... in the end of the first ep there was this tune.. this ever so lovely tune which made me think "oh this anime really is brilliant" it took me some seconds to realized why I loved it so on an instance.. it was a cover of the 28 theme

The Everlasting Scar (by Draconian)

I taught this will blow over.. I taught you'll come to your senses and calm down.. I taught that you will open your eyes and see that I am still here and I haven't gone anywhere... guess you won't.. your whole attitude.. it was fine with me cause I understood that you needed some time and some space but it's starting to really hurt her.. and that.. that I can not accept.. I was just standing there aside waiting for you.. yes I was holding her hand but dear I have two hands.. yes my heart belongs to her but you never really wanted it did you? she never took me from you.. but your actions just might do it now.. even though you broke my heart I still stayed beside you cause I know it was my and only my own fault... you never really made me feel at place and comfortable but I still stayed beside you cause I knew you needed me and you were dear to me... I am still here.. still waiting for you to calm the fuck down but I can't be patient forever with someone who hurts my love... I hope you understand that

future is the present and the present will never come

gosh it's cold in here... not as cold as there but still.. tough actually it wasn't that cold there.. actually it was really really warm there
"is it cold in here or is it just me?"
half of the school year will be over tomorrow.. oh my.. that's crazy seriously... this summer I'll have to find a place to live in.. I want a cat there.. I wonder should I live alone or with someone.. should be more fun with someone but.. time will show.. oh gosh.. will have to find a job as well.. want to get on my own feet as fast as I can..
we all are sick in here.. all of us.. you.. me.. they... we are all the same.. all the fucking same.. nothing differs.. no one differs.. the things you see.. nothing but sketches of reality

my bag is a part of me too

you know what I hate? what I really really hate? thous people in lines that stand too close to you... like I am just standing there.. minding my own business the line starts moving and I fallow the flow but the prick behind me thinks that the lines is moving faster so it starts to get closer to me by that trying to make me move faster without touching me.. but you know what? you are touching me.. you are constantly running into my bag.. you may have not noticed it but I do notice and that shit gets on my nerves... the line won't move faster because you are getting closer to me.. you won't get a seat on the bus only cause the line is moving faster.. it doesn't matter how fast you move.. your place in the line matters not the speed you are moving in it... keep your fucking distance!

It's Never Enough (by Type O Negative)

gosh... I've forsaken this place xD
but what can I say.. I tend to write when I am depressed and unpleased with something.. but lately I am anything but that.. of curse there are some little this and that but it's absolutely minor and hardly important or be sure to pass with time so yeah...
how am I doing?
actualy... pretty good thank you and I am not just sayin' that it's actually true.. isn't that weird
this evening was brilliant and ever so awesome and ahhh simply great... enjoyed it a lot but it was the last one I know I know but it doesn't sadden that much to be honest... all good things come to an end but if the end is brilliant it all has been worth it

Isolation Years (by Opeth)

I guess I should post something... haven't done it for a while I think... and no I am not just trying to get out of the need to study.. I'll do it.. as soon as I'll finish this.... so the casual question
how are you doin'?
to be honest.. I am doing actually quite well... very well to be exact what is quite weird for me.. the one stuck in downward spiral... maybe finally I am starting to climb out of this pit.. haven't seen you for a while now but... maybe you are closer now than ever... a small gap has opened for me for a chance to really become a poet... I don't know for sure yet if I'll try to squeeze in that gap.. but I might as well try.. why not you know? why not...

in conclusion.. as we say now and I am planing to stick with it

FUCK PAST! FUCK DOUBTS!

Evig Kyla (by Hypothermia)

hope for nothing
no ones gonna come no ones gonna come no ones gonna come no ones...
see thous hopes? let them die...
no ones gonna come and you are too fucking lazy to stand up on your own so live with it you old prick

Blackwater Park (by Opeth)

she says she can't write? how is that possible.. I've seen her doing that.. she says she can not write... has she tried? of curse she has and more than once but there isn't any use.. has she really tried? yes?... then that's why she says she can't write.. if she has really tried it is for no use.. someone made her do that.. who? they? others? herself? why the fuck is she trying if she don't want to? if you don't want to write then don't I would say.. if you don't feel like you must then don't.. seriously don't.. if she feels like she can't.. then don't.. there are plenty of other.. better things to do... why am I writing? because I feel like I must get things out of my mind.. cause if I put them down they won't spin in my head in circles making me feel all dizzy inside... write only if you feel like you must... writing is good for my health.. to keep everything inside... thous thoughts start to rot infecting the good ones as well... I am a mess my head is a mess.. a pile of everything and nothing.. I have no box system.. I think I had one once.. a long time ago... now it's only a pile so now and then I must take something out before it starts to rot... she says she can't write... sounds like she doesn't have to.. then why bother yourself and try? I suppose she can store the things in her head without the need to take something out... I envy her then... truly I do... but if she still would like to try.. maybe just for the sake of "and what if I manage to?" all I can say... start by little.. like.. "Dear diary.. today I had backed potatoes for lunch.. I like baked potatoes.. they make up the main part of my diet" cause you know.. when you have a chance to look back to the things you've had in your mind in past... it's truly interesting and helps on self exploring a lot.... as for myself.. besides all that including the self exploring part.. I really love to over read some stuffs I have put down.. to read and thing "you know what? this really is something good.. and I don't really care if anyone else think it's crap"

Forever Failure (by Paradise Lost)

why am I here?.. ohh it's just... wait what?
inconvenient tolerance
I am doomed to be stoned in the sludge swamp.. but I am completely fine whit that.. at least for now.. isn't this weird.. I feel like I am lying to myself no matter what I say/think... no matter what opinion I overtake.. just be yourself they say... you want me to be myself? help a little out and tell.. who the fuck am I.. cause I have no idea... no matter what I say.. it all feels like a lie..... lost.. somewhere.. nowhere... each thing I do it all seems fake.. each word I say... I'll better stay silent... in eyes they say.. in eyes you can see if it's true or false.. but even eyes lie.. to me... to you.. to you... they have always lied... the truth's been lost.. oh where are you when I need you the most.. will I ever find you again? did I even ever possessed you? "I don't really know what sorry means. I've been sorry all my life" I don't really know what truth is. I've been lying all my life... oh and here it comes.. the fall... I can feel the wind striking my face... the ground when it comes.. will I break again? well will it come? I am sorry.. I'm so sorry I lied.. but I don't know what the truth is anymore... I should just go.. there is no use.. I messed it up.. the game has been lost... nothing but misunderstanding... it's always just misunderstanding... I am sorry...



how comes that the right song always comes at the right time unexpected?

Slave To Negativity (by Forgotten Tomb)

now I'll just write something to pass the time cause I want to hear this song before I go to bed
Forgotten Tomb - Negative Megalomania
I have colds... how awesome is that?
it's a bit over 10pm and I want to go to bed cause staying awake would cause even grater agony than the one I am into now...
went to cos con.. it was quite cool.. the even itself was.. well.. could have been better.. but the bunch of mates I met there.. they all were awesome so in the end event wasn't that bad after all...
that motorcycle chick in full pvc costume was so.... bloody.... hot *ecchi* seriously.. it might was well have been the hottest thing I've seen in my life [so far]
mmm... orgasmic riff mmm.... orgasmic riff is orgasmic..
the song is ending and I am going... hope tomorrow will be.... ehh.. I already know that it won't... fucking hope.. that shit is useless