shadow of a shadow

I fell like such a crap at the moment.. don't really know why.. she's still alive and she's pulling me back.. the despair and the coldness.. alone in the dark you must be she says to me.. alone.. forever alone.. sorrowful and isolated.. you must be like that forever.. but I am not anymore.. oh but soon you will be.. no I won't.. I will never be like that again.. not with her beside me.. but when she leaves? you know she will... no I don't.. that's only what you say.. what you want me to believe in so you could overtake me again and feed from me.. from my pain, fear and sorrow I know I can't kill you but I can make you die from hunger..
and each time she lays in front.. the last though.. just before I fall asleep.. repeats itself over and over again "I love her"
and I hate myself so much for being so casual when I am with her... I am still so very weak

oh and one more thing.. I don't know if she knows.. I think that she doesn't.. each touch of her mesmerizes me.. sends burning shivers all trough my vanes.. and I don't know anymore.. how to be.. where to be and what to be..