voyage to the end of all leads back home

universe is not infinite.. there is no such thing as infinity... but there are circles.. if you go to the biggest number there is.. one way bigger than any human could ever imagine.. if you go that number and add one you go back to zero cause that infinity is so big, so massive that it's nothing at all and the circle is locked and our universe is not infinite.. it might seem infinite in 3th dimension but it's actually a sphere in a 4th dimension just like the ocean seems infinite in 2th dimension but you can break out of it using the 3rd dimension.. going up

the sun was bright oh it blinded my mind

and now of curse I think that I am not good enough for you cause I can't fulfill all your needs, desires and urges.. that I am just this small and weak child pretending to be bigger than she is pretending to be something more than she is pretending to be someone worthy of your glance someone worthy of your touch ohh it drives me mad and this is so odd that I have observed.. next to you I feel quite casual, pleasant and all.. comfortable but nothing drastically lustful.. warm and safe but nothing burning.. but... but... as soon as your skin presses against mine or even worse.. if our lips meet at some point.. this wave of heat comes flushing over me.. and I'm burning and I need more.. more of you oh so much more and I can't think straight at all and I can feel how the madness overtakes me.. how my blood boils, my mind rushes, my nerves aglow and the world before me pulsing in the rhythm oh my racing heart... I'm like a pebble on a hilltop. sitting there all still and clear but a small blow of wind comes and it rocks and it starts to roll even faster and faster with no turning back

Novembers Doom - Broken

the event horizon

and once again I feel this urge to become utterly possessed by work.. to dive into it and don't come out until I've gone mad
like all the great ones have done

Tool - Lateralus

15 to 10

the train has left the station.. I never really got there.. only heard from a distance as it want away.. I stood there wondering.. did I really wanted to get on it? or maybe I just like to feeling of missing something.. I never manage to make it on time even when I leave early I always end up being late and this is a modern world we live in.. modern rushful world in which no one really waits they all have places to go to, things to do, stuff to take care of.. I am not from this time.. even tough I always end up being late I am still waiting.. and what if they come back?
I can hear the metalic beat as the train wheels hit the rails and it says
"nowhere to rush"

do my bidding I am thine slave

put thy hands upon me
cares me, embrace me
that art what I crave for
put thy hands upon me
gaze me, undress me
that art what I crave for
under the silver moon
under the darkened sky
catch me, save me
that art what I yearn for

are we human or are we dancers? fuck that! we are writers!!!

she says she could have turned out to be ballerina... it would be cool to date one I guess.. with all that flexibility oh what couldn't we do *giggle* but then again when I think about it.. I much rather would date a writer.. they have that thing that hooks you up and drives you into another world full of might and magic... yeah I much rather would date a writer.. when you look into their eyes oh the seduction, temptation, mesmerization, captivation... like with them you could do anything but without them you would die

as she glanced upon thee

"Thou art charming my dear" she said while caressing her cheek with white, icy fingers that seemed to be made out of snow and sorrow. An electric spark ran all trough her body from the place she had touched her, making even the tiniest of muscles wince all at once, stopping her heart for a fraction of a second and taking her breath far away to the place she had came from.

and now she knows

guess what? I did it!... I really did it! omg... my hands were shaking and my eyes went all googly but I did it and now she knows... she doesn't accept it fully.. like till the end yet but I think it's only temporary ^^

Sleater-Kinney - Jumpers

the end of it all indeed

by the way... the new Sirenia clip - BOOOOO)))))RING!!!!

it's raining... in January.. gosh

I just want to write something.. for the sake of writing something... this is not the first time I start an entry with such words is it?.. and then she studied and studied and went to get some tea and never came back.. I can't normally look on her pictures I simply can't ... how could I explain? well imagine the feeling you get when you look at someones picture that you truly and deeply hate [the person no the picture itself] and you go all like gosh I hate that person I can't look at it.. then you turn your head away.. then peek a little more and then turn your head away and so several times.. like you truly despise that person and just looking at the picture squeezes your guts and you almost want to puke? well now imagine that feeling.. only instead of going all like gosh that's just.. omg.. disgusting.... you go omfg... omfg.. that's just too.. too lovely... and you get the same feeling of gut squeeze and you almost want to puke but this time you would puke glitter.... I am disgusting xD I should just get over this.. yeah.. stare at it till I feel normal or pass out... but I strongly doubt that it will ever feel normal to look at her.. no matter how in person or in picture or... whatever
it is all so weird.. I am getting everything that I have always wanted one thing after another.. I hope the next will be a bass guitar *giggle*
ohh it's less then a week..
I guess today won't be that day.. I had some chances but I am still a small scared girl... but it's ok it's all right.. I still have few days left.. I can do this.. yeah

Sleater-Kinney - Entertain

and now we're getting physical, physical

I just knew it would be like this now I knew it.. but nooo.. I had to do it anyway.. smart little girl smart now you have to deal with consequences.. but k.. I totally don't regret that.. hell no.. only now I am all like.. damn.. it wasn't easy before but now it's like ten times harder.. crap.. *giggle*
the frustration... frust-tra-tion...

so you think you're thinking?

and now shoe's listening to Type O Negative... gosh girl I am trying to concentrate here xD
society acts like species.. read Origin of Species it's all about society we are nothing but animals and we act like they do too.. relationships are natural.. any kinda relationships.. it's all based on instincts.. look at them all.. nothing but beings fighting for their survival and existence... the basic laws of nature we haven't gone anywhere away from them
all our actions are basted on instincts we can not control
now I am lightly over reading the Origin of Species and I still can't get over how amazingly brilliant that old guy writes

Here we go boys and girls!

another year has passed.. just another year.. but somehow.. this upcoming one feels like.. like it's going to be simply brilliant.. ever since the midnight of this day I have lived with none of thous fucking hurdles.. fucking the doubts and just doing what I want to... without no bloody "oh maybe I shouldn't" fuck that shit! you want it? then do it... and I do.... she asked if there is anything I can't do... when I think about it now.. I think there isn't.. I can do anything.. everything that I want I just have to put my mind to it.. or my guts.. one of thous depending on the case.. and it's all thanks to her.. and only her

song of yesterday



song of today