it's raining... in January.. gosh

I just want to write something.. for the sake of writing something... this is not the first time I start an entry with such words is it?.. and then she studied and studied and went to get some tea and never came back.. I can't normally look on her pictures I simply can't ... how could I explain? well imagine the feeling you get when you look at someones picture that you truly and deeply hate [the person no the picture itself] and you go all like gosh I hate that person I can't look at it.. then you turn your head away.. then peek a little more and then turn your head away and so several times.. like you truly despise that person and just looking at the picture squeezes your guts and you almost want to puke? well now imagine that feeling.. only instead of going all like gosh that's just.. omg.. disgusting.... you go omfg... omfg.. that's just too.. too lovely... and you get the same feeling of gut squeeze and you almost want to puke but this time you would puke glitter.... I am disgusting xD I should just get over this.. yeah.. stare at it till I feel normal or pass out... but I strongly doubt that it will ever feel normal to look at her.. no matter how in person or in picture or... whatever
it is all so weird.. I am getting everything that I have always wanted one thing after another.. I hope the next will be a bass guitar *giggle*
ohh it's less then a week..
I guess today won't be that day.. I had some chances but I am still a small scared girl... but it's ok it's all right.. I still have few days left.. I can do this.. yeah