crystal gates to nowhere

"crystal gates to nowhere" I just can't possibly get that song name out of my head [it's by Lost Life by the way] it's so very..... very.... leaves you silent if you start to think about it.... imagine crystal gates like in any usual fary tale... so full of light and of the hope that borns from them as they almost screams out "come on come on... you know there is something good behind me so open and come in" but where do they lead? to nowhere... fucking nowhere... open the bright gates and all you get is blank darkness - nowheresness [-giggle- that sounds interesting...] the magic of the gates has been broken, the hope has died and the dream is over......

good night my beloved minions
always yours, Shadow Mistress

eyeliner panic

couple of days ago I lost my eyeliner... it was just gone... anywho seconds ago I realized that I have to go to the city today... started to freak out cause I don't have an eyeliner [I tough my heart will just stop from beating] in my panic I looked into the cosmetic closet and there it was.. well not mine but an nice/black eyeliner... glorious dark things ^^

last day here

mozzila just broke down for no visible reason so I have to start all over again [hate when that little things does that... grrr....]

this is my last day in a comfortable place in front of my dear dear.... PC ^^
tomorrow off to camp I go and I shall return only next 5day.. that means that I'll spend a week in some not to me yet known place [outdoors of curse] sleeping in tents.. walking miles and miles and.. I don't even want to think about it yet.. stuck in kinda "meh.." position I am like at this moment I am not even sure if I want to go.. do I want to go? have no fckin idea..... but that's not the only thing I have no idea about... lately it's just everything.. have no idea about anything.. anything at all.. more of a what goes, goes.... but you know what? nothing comes and nothing goes..... I want ice-cream

p.s. just write the title of this... -giggle- it's sounds a bit doomy.. maybe later I'll make another entry with the same title.. only other filling khe khe ^^

AVGN

almost all day I spent watching avgn [Angry Video Game Nerd] videos... basicaly avgn is just a guy who makes retro game revievs [you know all thous old consoles - sega, nintendo, atari] but the interesting thing is... that ha makes revievs about shity games... and I mean really shity games.. I find it very amuseing to watch some guy play thous old games and shit on them as fuck [he curses a lot.. A LOT] maybe couse I do enjoy retro games too.. in fact I love them
-giggle- already forgot what I wanted to say... anywho... if you do enjoy retro games or just like when someone shits on things... check this guy out you won't regret it but if you will well.... it isn't really my problem now is it?

names, names, names...

I am an music addict... always in need for new albums, new artists, new tracks [suppose artists should have gone as the first one but.. anywho] almost each word reminds me of some line from a song [if I would always speak that line which just strikes trough my head out loud whail talking to someone I would probably drive that person mad -giggle- so I am mostly keeping them inside.. or atleast try to] I know I know I am obsest but that is my pasion ^^ anywho... one [but not the only] thing I can not stop amaze is the music names - band names, album titles, song titles.... some one them are just so very amazing... so this little story will be about the names in music

let's start with some band names ^^
The Sins Of Thy Beloved - one of my all time favorite bands with ever so magnificent band name.. The Sins Of Thy Beloved... I can not stop saying that -giggle- think about it... what genius mind is that can come up with something like that... marvelous indeed
My Dying Bride - also another briliant name... it's a perfect name for a doom kings which MDB is no doubtly
Mortal Love - seems a bit usuall from first site but when you think about it a little...... ofcurse it also fits the band perfectly [Love, Loss, Despair, Death] if I have to pick one band over all bands it deffenetly be this one... gosh I adore them
Livelover - nice name isn't it? life-lover... there is only one thing... it's a suicidal black metal band... love the irony
Until Death Overtakes Me - funeral doom
Happy Days - another irony [it's also a dsbm band]
I'm In A Coffin - and that's that
Make A Change... Kill Yourself - it's... just..... ^^
The 3rd And The Mortal - I have no idea what does it mean but it sure sounds cool
Wolves In The Throne Room - makes you silent for a second

well that's about it atleast it from that what I can remeber on the sopt... bet there is a lot of damn ass magnificent band names out there just waiting for discovery.... I won; t bother you any longer and shall keep the album names and song tiles for some other time


from the dark time yours - Shadow Mistress

Life is Pain

it's and DSBM band [could tell that by he name well couldn't you?] who has only released only one album "Bloody Melancholy" [I'll put the album picture at the end as I find it quite adorable] with 3 songs in it
Oppressive Nights in Mental Asylum 7:41
Bloody Melancholy 6:21
Negativity 9:59
a small album isn't it? but what makes it so great? well first of all because the artists who has made this project is no one else that Kim [from Swedish Lifelover] and Trist [from the same name one mans band from Czech]. bout artist is well known in DSBM scene and now [well not now the album was relieased in 2006] they have made a project together... that's just marvelous ^^ and what I found even more adorable.. Trist have wrote the lyrics and made the music for this project whail he was at the mental hospital [isn't that just perfect?] so the Kim just had to come and sing thous lyrics what he ofcurse did in his ever so sweet maner.. oh Kim you magnificent guy
so yeah if you have any interest in depressive music [I sure do] try hard and find this piece it's totally worth it.... love the atmosphere.. it's not like agressiv like Anti but not so rock-a-like like Lifelover [no ofence I love them but face it.. they are a bit rockish] but just melancholic black and doomy...

so this is the group [or duet actualy] picture

Kim looks a bit weir in here but hey... he's sweet anyway ^^

and the album Bloody Melancholy



mmm..... blood

yesterday

starting to think that I should get some sleeping pills... yesterday went to bed at 2 am but when I finally felt asleep it was already light out there somewhere after 4 am it could have bin... I was just laying in my bed with open eyes just staring into wall for more than a hour with short breaks of position change.... somewhere around 3 am [the demonic hour] a bright moon showed itself and just into my window in stared and just somehow it felt like he's calling me to join the somber dance -week smile appears here- and maybe I will.... maybe I will

00:22

just staying up late again.. as I always do for some reason I just don't like to go to bed unless I am totally exosted and just can't possibly keep my eyes open you know when you can just stand up fall into bed and fall asleep... I suppose I just don't like that time after you have put yourself into bed and the time when you fall asleep... there is something that bugs me during the process of falling asleep but for now I shall keep that to myself. anywho... for some not to me yet known reason I just love to be on the PC late.. no matter when I do just to feel the atmosphere when everyone else is asleep it š dark outside and the only light sorce is the light that comes from monitor tough mostly it gives not much light cause I have a very dark wallpaper... I hate light wallpapers and I also hate colorfull wallpaers.. can't work normaly and use the icons if my wallpaper is bright or colorfull that's why I am always in search for dark wallpapers.. I have almost 10 different packs of dark wallpapers but only few of them I see as suitible for use.........

it rained whole day and in the vening I went to dam just to get my head straigh after a whole day spent in front of PC just randomly whatching movies and some shows... had to think trough some things too.. I love the dam and even more when it's so shity [shity for others marvelous for me] weather out there.. when alsomt noone is there just me, the water and the sky.. grey water, cloudy sky, light rain, cold climate and dark soul... fits together nicely well doesn't it? just staned there for some time [could be somwhere around 10 min or more] whatched how the rainfull clouds moved from one shore to another... I love that place and even more if noone is there

8-bit

somehow I run into this little thingy called 8-bit music... as in nothing to do mode just surfed trough last.fm searching for something... anything.. and my journey trough mystic tags ended with this "8-bit" well as it seemed interesting inaf I decided to check it more closely. so the 8-bit music itself is an type of electro music where artist base their work on sound familiar in 8-bit era... you know all that nintendo and such video game sounds.. reminds me of pack-man -giggle- I hope you get the idea.. so yeah in the first place in the 8-bit taged music lied this cople named Crystal Castles. next step... I went to youtube to hear and maybe even see what they are up to.. and as a nerdy being by nature I was amused ever so much from this eric sound... so I just got their album and now I have listened to them for more than hour [I guess] -giggle- yes I know I know it is nerdy till the root but that's why love it.. as I said I suppose that I am just one nerdy being myself.. love all that old video game things.. so yeah if you too find this amuzeing not lame or some other shit then check it out ^^ but if you read this and think "oms she is so nerdy.." well then I admit it yes I am so bite me -giggle- I hope this will work I'll try to put the youtube video for song I am getting addicted to.. if not then I'll just put a link and if you are not a lazy ass you can check it...

with robotic greetings, Shadow mistress




P.S. now I know why I like these guys so much.... look on the picture I found in their artists profile on last.fm it's not the main one but the fact they have one like this... me like ^^

Ulver

just found them out last night and already... I am in love. my friend [she goes to music school so she is kinda into classical music but not only because of the school it's also because classical music just is something very very amazing a good thing to get into... so anywho.. she sent me some music pieces from this artists she is lately getting into.. a lot.. the artists is Olivier Messiaen. as my friend said... she has no idea when did he born but he died the year she was born - 1992. so this guy is a modern classicist.. made his works while he was in a concentration camp and the thing is that he made them for the instruments that were available there [not much as you could guess]. his works has this nice light smell of schyzo... and as I am such person who just loves anything shyzo I also felt for this guy too... thenI just checked the tags for him in last.fm [I have another topic where I explain some things about this little thingy but yeah so the listeners tag artists and puts them into some genres by thous tags like "rock,metal,pop" but also some smaller genres like "ambient, avant-garde, sheogaze" and sucha... so I find out that this guy also is known as awant-garde artists [if you don't know what avant-garde is just google or wiki it] so as the next album on my playlist I put something I already had from avant-garde - Sleep Time Gorilla Museum... the band is nice but something didn't felt like me... so I chcked what else last.fm can provide as an avant-garde and there at the top were Ulver... so ofcurse I made a rush to RockBox [metal musics torrent tracker... but not only metal] search for it and got an album named "Svidd Neger" started to listen to it somewhere about midnight and end at 1:30 am.... now in the morning I once again find myself listening to in and what can I say... it's fucking gorgeous and I adore it ever so much [I am listening to it right now too]. sometimes it feels like a filmmusic but what can I say.. I love films and everything about them... but yeah also a very great minimalism floats trough this album. till now I can only talk about one album cause that's the only thing I got but now I am downloading other albums too. by the way Ulver started out as a black metal band [isn't that adorable ^^] and which is even if I may say more "ohh my satan no way" the band comes from Norway... and for me.. what ever comes from Norway is great itself [you know it's the born land for gothic and black metal... but I love the contry itself too] and their name "Ulver" means wolves in Norwegian... almost too many amazing discoveries for one night -giggle- but yeah... it's one of my greatest finds out in last time and ohh how could I not know about them before. so yeah in short words about Ulver - atmosphereic, minimalism, ambient and ever so adorable music. [great pic also]

I am starting to beat you up last.fm -evil smile-

last.fm is starting to run short on gothic metal bands it could recommend to me [if you don't know what last.fm is well... it's a web page -slash- program which records and summarizes the songs you are listening to and depending and your stats makes recommendations [well it does a lot of other things too bet yeah....] so the thing is I have in my lybrary ever so many gothic metal bands so this little thing is like "omg... she already listens to that and that too she knows what else could we possibly offer to her?" that's funny... -giggle- so now instead of gothic metal they mostly offers me doom metal bands with little bit of gothic music in theirselves... but I want more gothic metal -sad face here- well I suppsoe I'll just have to continue extend in the DSBM [I hade a blog entry about it some time ago so if you don't know what DSBM is... check it] scene... and I am lucky cause I just ran into this blog where some guys offers a lot of DSBM pieces for download [love that page already and I am ever so thankfull for it's existance] so yeah... too bad I am [as always] again runing short on my PC's memory -sad face again-
I suppose I am just addicted to music and as an any addicted one it is never inaf of the dose you have... you are always willing for more and more and more... so I am always in search for new music, new bands, new projects......

Draconian

gosh I love them and adore them ever so much [by the way the song you hear now... well at least should her now is The Gothic Embrace by Draconian] so Draconian is a Swedish gothic/doom metal band. and the fact why I adore them so much is cause they have find the way to mix thous two very dear to me metal genres together [gothic and doom metal] so the combination of them bout makes this ever so magnificent doomy yet gothy atmosphere. it just feels like a night in abondaned cathedral [gosh I love it so very much]. the doom of abondened place yet the gothy spirit catheral is holding and ofcurse the night which also magnificaly cambines them bout doom and gothy spirit. also the lyrics are adorable. a bit angry but not like a death metal angry just un pleasent with something. full of grief and solitude. and ofcurse the anti-christ stream that floats trough all their songs [that's probably the core of this upsest spirit]. ofcurse Lisa Johanson and hers ever so sweet voice and Anders Jacobsson with his funeral doom alike grouvls and doomfull monologues. over in all Draconian is truly the best gothic/doom metal band I have ever heard and I adore them so cause the atmosphere which floats trough all they creations. true masterpiece maker band. and when ever some of their track comes down my path I am in must to hear it till it's final note and mostly even after that I have to hear more. like a fly in the night finds the only shineing bulp and rushes forvard to it then starting to bumpb around and around I when ever hear a note from Draconian rush to where ever I can get to hear more.
I bow my unworthy head in front of this ever so magnificent crew.

"I am truly left alone,
but somehow... just somehow
it feels like my loneliness is a victory
over the self-delusion of joy... and happiness."

am I a Dj?

for some time now already I am taking a place in a project. an internet project and the project is - radio. it all started in some small local torrent tracker... of curse what is a wana-by tracker without a radio. at first time I had no though about the possibility of me being a Dj. I just became an active uploader in there. but when administration saw my activity one of them asked me to participate in all this radio thing. well I as a kind person could not dare to refuse so I accepted their invatation and became a Dj. and I have been one up until this moment and probably will continue to be some time in the future too [I just don't see a reason why I should stop and quit]. only there is one thing. as you maigh know [and if you don't I am telling this to you now] most of the poeple who work with and in such thing as web and specificly trackers for some not unknown reason listens to electro music [maybe cause they work with electronic... I don't know] but I [as you probably have noticed till now] like to listen to some other type of music - metal. it is not like I couln't listen to some dance stuff I just prefere metal much much more. so yeah and now I belong to Dj group [spmewhere around 10 people in there by now] and I am the only one who plays heavy music. I don't mind in being the only one just the thing is that.... no one listens to me as our listeners are used to the fack that other Dj plays electro beats and then suddenly I take the rule over radio and they all just run away. I just wish some metalheads whould get to know about this radio and me in it and I could have atleast someone who enjoys my music. but none or tonn of listeners I still shall play and play it heavy -evil smile-
so if you have some spare time use it and check us out ;-] http://musicia.lv/index.php

DSBM

DSMB [Depressive Suicidal Black Metal] I think the name says it all... it's a black metal genre in which I am kinda into.. wanted to say that I am lately getting into it but then realized that I am familiar with this sub-genre for some time already. and I have to admit that I like this sub-genre very much ^^ or relationtips started hmm... my memory is weakened so I mostly can not remeber beginnings of lot of things.. this one inclueding but I think my first DSBM expirience could be with Thy Light album Suici.De.Pression I am not 100% sure but I have serious doubts that it could be so. the album was in demo quality but still with first song "Crawling worm in a world of lies" the decision was made - I need more of this... so now I am familiar with many more DSBM artists and enjoy them all... so what makes DSBM different? well first of all it is more atmospheric than plain black metal but in it's atmosphere it hasn't lost that harsh sound which black metal holds so it can't be described as atmospheric black metal... it just sounds more depressing than black metal does actualy instead of black metal it does sound depressive... hard to expline but hope you got the point... and second of all ofrcurse there are lyrics... tough thanks to black metal vocals they can rarely be understood still you can read them and enjoy the suicidal mode they are carrying within [atleast I do so] ofcurse not all DSBM sings about suicide motion.. but it does hold signs of depression into themselfs. once I just cassualy listened to some DSBM stuff and realized why does it's called so.... because only one in depressive motion can listen to something like that kinda funny isn't it? anywho.... if darkness ever comes to vistit you don't forget to check out some DSBM you probably will find it listening worth... followings are the artists I could suggest from my side: Thy Light, Lofelover [isn't that a cute little name for a DSBM band?], Anti, Black Autumn [his album Rivers Of Dead Leaves is one of the best albums I have ever heard], Nyktalgia, ColdWorld.

Let the all mighty darkness lead your way trough the day, Shadow Mistress

and then they died

dark oceans we cry

dream of a dead sun

moodswings

suddenly like sun appears between leafs which tremble in gusty wind a nostalgic feeling came across me. all day was spent in a happy [more or less] motion but then.. feels like someone had just pulled a handle or something... from happy little elf to a doomer in a second.. isn't that funny -a weak smile appears on her face- strange thing these moodswings are and strange is or mind which puts us in the motion of his own selfish will.. or maybe I just exhausted my can of naive happynes... like in the morning you have several cans full of moods... like happy, sad, mad, numb and sucha... but there is limit of how much you can use eah of them.. you can not be happy or mad or sad all day long [unless you're a specific person with huge can of hat specific mood.. like I think I myself have a huge numbness can..] like thous poeple who seems to be happy all trough probably comes home and starts to puch a pillow or something -giggle- but yeah... my point is [which probably is not a point at all but hey read the name of my blog... <.<] each of us has some sorta amount of each mood [each has specific amount of one or another mood ofcurse] which we can spend as we like untill we have reached to bottom of that can [filled witch mood] and then we have no other chanse than move to another mood.... I suppose I just emptyed my can of happynes for to day well.. here comes the can of numb and there goes my naive smile... hey thanks for a visit stop by on any time...

and she gazed

for some time now there is one word who has became very popular in between people.. all kinda people but what bugs me the most - between mainstreamers [gosh I dislike them] and the word is EPIC.... the thing I hate the most is that random [mainstream] people use it for everything that actually has nothing to do with the meaning of epic... now things like pussy cat dolls song can be epic or movie that seems more like a crap taken out of barbie girls ass [gosh excuse me dear for my inappropriat language] that something with possability of at least one epic episode in it. for me this magificent word in first place stands for J.R.R. Tolkiens stories ["Lord of the rings" in frist place] that is something truly epic. if you have read it or saw the movie thou shall understand what I am trying to say... anywho if Tolkiens stories are the written deffenition of "epic" then this photo -points up- is the visual image for the word itself... just look on it! LOOK ON IT!!! gosh that is epic... should show this to some fucked up mainstreamer and say "look fag.. this is epic.. this and nothing else" but if you are a fucked up mainstreamer then I am saying this to you.... gosh I adore that picture... by the way it's a bands picture and the name of the band is Summoning. they come from Austria and plays atmospheric black metal. theyr music also can be described as epic. if you adore this picture as much as I do and know not yet Summoning check them out... hmm I probably will make an music entry about this band so yeah..... thou shall not use the word "epic" on noone apic things but thou shall carry it with honor and use it when it is indeed something EPIC..... Hail!

whail my mind wanders around

and then she heard a fast knocking at the wooden doors [big, massive oak doors with dragon heads instead of handle] while getting up from her resting place she noticed a pair of red eyes in the other side of a window... seemed like they kept staring at her even after she turned her back against the window [so she may open the massive wooden doors and let the knocker in]..... the red pair faded in the black mist and later were nowhere to be found. only when the door got opened the visitor saw that she herself was the owner of thous flaming and gazing eyes and the pair out side the window in that pit black darkness was nothing but a reflection, reflection to herselfs devilish being