New Night

- I won't get a reply to this will I?
- no.. you won't.. it's a mess.. why should anyone ever reply to a mess.. and you write way too much
- there are things I want to say
- but you cover them up whit random objects
- I can't say them out clear.. that's why I hide them between
- in the end you lose them in a pile of meaningless shit and they disappear
- but no one will listen to if
- cause they are used to your nonsense
- I want someone to hear
- but they say that they do
- no action is made.. do they really hear?
- you say it in your head
- even if so.. can't they see?
- they say that they do
- no action is made.. do they really see?
- they don't know what to do
- anything will do
- they are scared of you
- I am scared of myself
- the time will come
- but will I still be here?
- no one knows

from 4th ending to Nana

“I can’t count how many nights
I wished tomorrow would never come
To live as I am without being fake
what do I need
If I don’t believe in myself,
what can I believe in
The answer is too close to see
Black tears are falling down
I have nothing only sadness
I can’t put it into words
My whole body starts to ache
I can’t stand it anymore
on my own”




each time I see it in the end of an episode... where was it earlier? but when I think about it.... nothing's really changed

thous things you keep to yourself will sooner or later eat you alive

Brilliant movie is brilliant

one of thous movies I'll never get tired of

Forgotten Tomb - Negative Megalomania

Tired of all your bullshit, fed up with all your crap
A bunch of retarded children, all dressed up in black
A mass of nerds, so repressed, behind your PC screens
Trying to appear so evil, to look more and more extreme

A temporary trend you want to live talking shit everyday
You buy a thousand albums, since your parents are the ones who pay
You're a plague to be erased, you're just a waste of life
Now show me your wrists, I will take care of the knife

A negative megalomania
Our weapon to get rid of this scum
Your frustration puts a big smile on my face
I like to provoke your sickening race

"Why don't you kill yourself?"
Too many times I've heard these words,
but still you can't understand
I'm not the one supposed to die
Why don't you take a look
to your silly teenage life?

Always criticizing what I say and who I am
Who are you to judge? I don't really give a damn
You never understood a flying fuck about my belief
Your self-elimination to me would be a nice relief

A negative megalomania
Our weapon to get rid of this scum
Your frustration puts a big smile on my face
I like to provoke your sickening race

Now I know my mistake:
I overvalued people' minds
but still you can't understand
I'm just a wise man
Smiling while I drink some whiskey,
as you complain about how I'm "fake"...

KILL YOURSELF

Rumours and infamies never managed to stop us
Your pathetic lies were just free promotion
Death threats gone in vain, you can't kill who's already dead
Your hate towards us, our fame grows inexorably

(Got some load of misery for ya)

Devil Bless Negativity






(but that last riff is sooooo orgasmic)

KILL YOURSELF!!!!

Forgotten Tomb - Negative Megalomania 4:53

I have lost my... and it's all coming back now

who am I to you? I ask myself again and again.. who am I to you.. should ask you that once but I doubt that you know it for yourself though you should... who the fuck am I to you? why won't you open to me? I lay naked before you and if you think that I don't just ask me anything... what do you want from me? what the fuck do you want from me? I've never been able to understand.. you always say I am not alone.. you always say that you are here but you never are and next to you I feel more alone than anywhere else cause I know.. you don't have it in you.. do you? and still you just won't tell.. I am screaming can't you hear? I am still bleeding can't you see? maybe you just don't care anymore.. maybe you never really did.. I don't know.. I don't know and it's killing me.. maybe I am just totally wrong for you.. maybe every time you look at me you think "what the hell am I still doing whit her?" maybe it's because of my temper.. you think I am inert.. unable to respond.. maybe you really think that I don't care... but you have no idea how much I do.. maybe I am just totally wrong for you.. then why can't you just tell me so? why can't you just tell me what the fuck do you want from me? and don't ask me to be something you know I am not.. to act in ways you know I am unable to.. you don't want to make me a liar do you?

I can't believe that now and then I tend to forget how bloody AWESOME Daria is

it's funny cause it's true

Join me on my way into the lake

I just went for a little walk.. it was raining a bit.. k.. it was raining a lot.. it was raining white and you know how much I love rain and how even more I love to walk in the rain.. I hate umbrellas so I went whiteout one but seriously.. whats the point of having a walk in the rain if you don't even get any? so I walked till this dam I have here and just as I got on it the rain drops turned into little pieces of ice.. now it was not only raining but hailing as well.. so I climbed up on the dam and stood there for a while.. letting the rain wash me letting the hail hit me whit it's little fists... hundreds and hundreds of iced raindrops rushed from heaven itself to crush upon my skin.. it almost felt like an angry party of paintballers were attacking me.. and I just stood there whit my arms wide open alone and without cover... letting the heavens hit me again and again and again...... and it felt so good.....
on my way back I stepped into this junk food shop to get myself a burger and chips and left a puddle after myself.. just as I got out of the shop the rain stopped and sun gazed upon me.. two full rainbows above my city...
my clothes got so wet I could squeeze water out of them...

sludgy mud

it's 2am already.. I really should get going.. I wanted to leave at 11pm but nooo... of curse I had to play... yes.. I am playing an mmorpg now... that was one of the basic geek things I've never done... now I am doing that too... so why don't we count a little.. I listen to underground music, I watch films the masses don't know about, I own and can solve a rubiks cube, I read, I still buy CDs', I watch anime and read manga, I write poetry, I don't look like your ordinary mtv based teen, I love old nes and sega games, I am into science, I've had braces... I suppose I am a bit geeky ^^ oh and you now are thinking "oh thous things aren't geeky at all she doesn't know the shit shes talking about".... 4 letters... S..T..F..U.. but seriously.. if you don't like something GTFO... the web is full of ordinary blogs like this one... disagree whit me on something.. well I don't give a fuck just pack your bags and leave.. agree whit me on something? great.. why don't you stay and we'll chat? ^^

hey! how are you? what's new?

- why are you so silent?
- I'm screaming can't you hear?
- why haven't you said anything?
- default answers to default questions
- but why are you sad?
- I'm neutral
- do you want to cry?
- my eyes are dry
- what will make you smile?
- the sad irony of life
- why are you so serious don't you want to have fun?
- my time has not yet come
- but what if it never will?
- I am not here
- sorry I didn't notice you. what were you saying?
- never mind... I am fine I am smiling and talking or at least that's what you want to see

Jack Off Jill - My Cat

this song is more awesome than you!!!

NANA

Opening of an anime I am watching now

The Last Days - Soul of City

great music, great atmosphere, great video

brilliant balance between post-rock riffs and black metal vocals... what more can a girl ask?

pure H20..... ohh FUCK!!!

I have two bottles under my table... one whit water and one whit mix of few very old drinks from another bottles [that bloody damned "Schweppes" included.. don't ask me why do I still have it] so I got thirsty and reached for the water bottle.. but guess what I got in my mouth instead.... damn... I didn't even swallow it but... the taste of that "Schweppes"...... and now my stomach is turning.... I didn't even swallow... damn...
Catherine [or is it whit K I really don't know] was on L Word... how awesome is that?!!! xD

The ones that didn't made it

I

dim light cracks trough
the missing brick in a wall
smooth coldness cracks trough
the lost piece of my soul

I lay on the floor
surrounded by nothing
whit thoughts of my dreams
supported by no one

endless void fills my head
abyss of despair
there's nowhere to go
abyss of despair
no one to call
abyss of despair
and the only thing left
is abyss of despair

II

isolation
the only way for me to be free
the only way to get rid of that smell
it smothers me bothers me
poison me poison me

all around
this place is so rotten
you are so rotten
they all are so rotten

the smell I can't stand it
around.. all around nothing
nothing but corpses
corpses pretending to be alive

I see them all
smiling and laughting
and I know it's all fake
thous bastards are rotten inside

isolation
the only way to set yourself free
the only way to get rid of that smell

it haunts me

III

you think you're so smart
just fuck off and die
you made become
this thing this beast
that knows nothing but hate
despair and rage
you made me become
the bringer of pain
where ever I go
death steps on my heels
the reaper is near
the reaper is here
I constantly feel
the cold breath on my neck
he's here to protect me
and I beg him how I beg him
salve me.. salve me...
he looked at me and said
"my child.. become my disciple..
spawn of the hell..
I'll open your eyes.. I will let you see
become my disciple"
and all I had to do
was to let him take me under his wings
now I do see
the world as it is
damned, infected, corrupted and ugly
and you made it happen
so thank you dear slut

IV

deep under
in shade of a frozen moon
on a boat of eternal solitude
into an ocean of endless despair
the wind of hundred year torment
blows in sails of scarfulled sacrifice
sky above a pit black void
no stars only white forstbiten moon
no sound no echo
just dreadful silence

Otep - Numb & Dumb

read the lyrics you ignorant pig!!!



I'm tired of being tired
Sick of being sick

I'm tired of being tired
Sick of being sick

Erase & escape
The meathooks of reality

Erase & escape
The meathooks of reality

Lock the door
Load your guns
& pray for nothing !

(I don't care, I don't care
I don't care, I don't care)

And daddy's shooting smack
And mama's smoking crack
And teacher is a sex addict
And preacher has a porn habit
And sister's such a whore
And my life is a bore

.take your vitamins
.whiten your teeth
.comb your hair
.know when to speak

They say jesus was a masochist
But maybe they said, pacifist...

Sweet goddess of narcotics
On my knees I pray
Just give me one more dose
& make it all go away

Make me completely numb & dumb

(Watch your tone, obey the law,
Know when to bend, believe in god)

I took his wife into my mouth
Like a slice of wedding cake
I went back for extra helpings
& then I clean my plate

Still covered in her yolk
The wet drug of my addiction
I'm nature's little criminal
A selfish crucifixion

Of sweet scarecrow in the sky
You have all the answers
But we will never die

Sweet goddess of narcotics
On my knees I pray
Just give me one more dose
& make it all go away

Make me completely
Numb & dumb

I ran out the front door
The devil's at the backdoor
Whispering to the sea

& above
A black feathered sun
Drunk on teenage meat

I don't care,
I don't care
I don't care,
I don't care

Make me completely numb & dumb

Medicate & sedate
Pass the punishment
I need another fix

nothing....

head full of static
life full of nothing
I want my hair to be crazy
just as fucked up as I am
I need a shock
I need my heart to be broken
so I can keep on bleeding
fuck love
I think I am going to give up on it
she's sucha bitch
brings nothing but
I should get more depressed
at least then I can create
this sate is even worse
head full of static
life full of nothing

Otep - Rise, Rebel, Resist

read the lyrics you ignorant pig




perfect little spouses
in perfect little houses
it's family fun time
let's commit a hate crime

....if i can't be loved, then I'll be hated.

I'm disconnected
I'm uninspired
I'm burning in water
I'm drowning in fire

I'm trapped inside my mind
beneath these piles of stinking life
you use this abuse to keep me conquered
you're so absurdly common

vacant faces
brainless strangers

sputtering, stuttering insect language
I'm the creature you created
everyday i grow jaded
calloused and exasperated

if I'll never be loved
then I'll be hated

I'm one of the
freaks, the fagots,
the geeks, the savages,
rogues, rebels, dissident devils,
artists, martyrs, infidels ...

do we sit still
under attack?

or do we start pushing back?

never back up
never back down

& FIGHT.

RISE
REBEL
RESIST

RISE
REBEL
MAKE A FIST
RESIST

RISE
REBEL
RESIST

RISE
REBEL
MAKE A FIST
RESIST

I'm human pollution
I covet retribution
I'm just a big mistake
a defect you can subjugate

your ridicule is just typical antics
spineless, mindless, tragic, fanatic

puritan, bigot
lunatic, hypocrite

To save my soul from disaster
self-destruction could be the answer

if I'll never be loved
then I'll be hated

I'm one of the
freaks, the fagots,
the geeks, the savages,
rogues, rebels, dissident devils,
artists, martyrs, infidels ...

do we sit still
under attack?

or do we start pushing back?

never back up
never back down

& FIGHT.

RISE
REBEL
RESIST

RISE
REBEL
MAKE A FIST
RESIST

RISE
REBEL
RESIST

RISE
REBEL
MAKE A FIST
RESIST

[/masochistic
so sadistic
all they see is another statistic

maybe I'm a misfit, maybe I'm different
it will never be an average existence

masochistic
so sadistic
all they see is another statistic

If I can't be loved
then I'll be hated

it's family fun time
let's commit a hate crime

WAR
WAR

RISE
REBEL
RESIST

RISE
REBEL
MAKE A FIST
RESIST

RISE
REBEL
RESIST

RISE
REBEL
MAKE A FIST
RESIST

(WE ARE)
the
freaks, the fagots,
the geeks, the savages,
rogues, rebels, dissident devils,
artists, martyrs, infidels ...

do we sit still
under attack?

or do we start pushing back?

never back up
never back down

& fight

WAR
WAR

RESIST

fuzzy wuzzy slippers

I know I know it's spanish subbed and that suck a lot but I just had to post this..
the good par starts at 3:40 and it's just so.. cool xD
k just watch...

A Dish Best Served Cold

Ha! Ha! Ha!...... Fuck You!!

The Chase

argh.... fuck this shit.... I got till DHW 06x16 and I am desperate to watch some more cause it's just the middle of the best part [imo] but it's already 3 fucking am and it's geting ever so hard to keep my eyes open.. damn xD

you fag

Ha Ha!!! this so reminds me of a guy I know... he's not fat but he likes power metal... [I don't by the way]

Disheartenment

I just don't know what to do whit myself... while being whit him I feel nothing... nothing at all.. his presence only reminds me of how empty I really am... but he is the closest thing to something that I can get... when we're together I do feel like I own him.. like I am the master and he's the slave.. and yes it is quite nice feeling but is it worth it if emptiness from realization how much of a nothing I feel comes next? I am no master.. I can never be one... of curse it is nice to feel like one for some time but.. I am not.. I can never be though sometimes it seems like it's the best way to be... if he only knew how shattered am I... I just don't know what to do.. it feels like I am falling again....
and HE is back too... some time ago I decided to clear my frnd list on fb... while doing so I though should I or should I not keep him but while deleting all thous guys I didn't know I never saw him but it turns out I had exterminated him after all... so now he contacted me again and.... you think I am not over him? well you should hear him out... he says he still... and that he has.. all the time.... ever since.... what have I done?..... and for a shame I can not strictly say that there is nothing in me for him anymore.... no matter how hard I would want it.... and now.... now he want's to come over... and I just don't know what to do... I know I would feel ever so secure whit him... maybe I would feel like I belong for once... but still... all this thing it's so.. ever so complex...
and then there's.... yeah... it's still there.... it won't go away won't it?....
what should I do?
- I think you could use a talk..
- yeah I know but will I be able to
- if you try your best you should
- but what if nothing changes
- at least you'll have told before it's all already gone
- but maybe I want it to be just gone.. you know.. live over
- and return to your old self.. do you really want it?
- I guess not... but maybe it's no big deal.. maybe I overreact again... as always
- yeah and maybe you just stuck it all in.. till it burst... again.. do you really want it?
- no... but maybe...
- that is not your way stop telling that to yourself over and over again
- but what if... the letter... and now..
- I think it shouldn't be so bad
- but what if it is... and even worse
- well then you'll see it... and then you'll know... for once

Invaders Must Die

The Prodigy - Omen

I like it here

it's 8:30am... I haven't gone to bed yet.. it's bright sunny day out.. just went to store ofter some food stuff.. now I have my "pop" folder on suffle my breakfasts getting ready and feelin' brilliant ^^

rofls at 5 am

"How dare you? And yes I did."

DHW S5E17 37:07

I'm just sayin'