just another morning

I'm so sick.. so very sick... just a sick little girl... see? that's why you musn't be with anyone that's why you must remain alone.. your sick child.. sick... the darkness.. all around you.. that's your home.. your place.. don't even try to find something else.. they will leave and we will pull you back in anyway..but no no no no no no....oh yes little girl.. that's what's going to happen you know it... I don't believe in it.. you're just an illusion.. just an echo... a shadow.. please.. someone.. dear please SAVE ME FROM MYSELF.....




tuned on to Flyleaf



it will be fine... little girl just had a bad dream

shadow of a shadow

I fell like such a crap at the moment.. don't really know why.. she's still alive and she's pulling me back.. the despair and the coldness.. alone in the dark you must be she says to me.. alone.. forever alone.. sorrowful and isolated.. you must be like that forever.. but I am not anymore.. oh but soon you will be.. no I won't.. I will never be like that again.. not with her beside me.. but when she leaves? you know she will... no I don't.. that's only what you say.. what you want me to believe in so you could overtake me again and feed from me.. from my pain, fear and sorrow I know I can't kill you but I can make you die from hunger..
and each time she lays in front.. the last though.. just before I fall asleep.. repeats itself over and over again "I love her"
and I hate myself so much for being so casual when I am with her... I am still so very weak

oh and one more thing.. I don't know if she knows.. I think that she doesn't.. each touch of her mesmerizes me.. sends burning shivers all trough my vanes.. and I don't know anymore.. how to be.. where to be and what to be..

why should I trust you? cause I am the Doctor

aaand I forgot to tell you... I finally saw the new Doctor Who episode [fuck yeah - period]... it was so marvelous oh my dear Doctor I missed you ever so much.. I saw it in the morning and because of it was hype all day long *giggle* if you have seen some episodes you'll understand why. if you haven't.. then watch some and you will.. and you know what is ever so awesome? that next week there will be a new episode.. oh my Bob *giggle* my dear Doctor I missed you ever so much.. if you would only knew what has happened to me during this time :3

a morning isn't a morning without a feeling of a morning

Deadmau5 and Darwin thous mates should drink a cup of tea some time together... they should call the Doctor to get to each other though... still it's a brilliant way to start a day... should watch some anime too... don't have anything light again xD the lightest thing I have no is The High School Of The Dead I think xD actually it's bloody good but what do you want it's horror + ecchi so what comes from it? the two great B's... Blood and Boobs... it's a new one too so the quality is really good... only 30 [or so] pages to go.. it looks like I am going to fulfill the task given by my dear mate.. to finally finish it till the end of a year... well then.. it was nice seeing you ;-) I am going back to dive into pulsing waves of Deadmau5 & Darwin

oh and last night I fell asleep to the Kafka's Castle and woke up an hour or so later to that 4h track.... how awesome is that? xD

one more thing about the HSOFD... in the end of the first ep there was this tune.. this ever so lovely tune which made me think "oh this anime really is brilliant" it took me some seconds to realized why I loved it so on an instance.. it was a cover of the 28 theme

awake! awake! the morning is here little girl

who's the men? you're the men little girl.. you know what you have to do I know that you want it too.. be rude little girl.. be big be what you truly are little girl... or are you just saying? or are you pretending? or are you simply like a salamander pretending to be big? are you really lying to them all? take a step.. don't look back.. fuck the past and fuck the doubts.. take step.. fall into the river.. let the stream overtake you.. be brave little girl... grow up little girl.. you are out of there now.. your time has come little girl.. be brave little girl.. be bold little girl.. don't be a little girl little girl... are you scared? are you still scared? no... no you are not.. the voices... only pale echoes still there but they.. they have no thongs in their mouths... be brave little girl.. be bold little girl

"it is time to spread my wings
to fill this empty hole.

It has now begun
The forces under me
Will conquer all before
And bring me to my victory!

I've seen that man before
Down from the fall
And now standing tall
I've seen this
I have been this
And now I am
my own man

No more misery
Look outside and see
What are you waiting for?
Pick yourself up
Get up off the floor "

you have a shirt but I have none because you have a shirt

watching a movie about Troll 2 [if you haven't seen Troll 2 you MUST see it now.. if you know me personal and aynt too for away from me you MUST get me so we can watch it together] and there is this guy.. he's Troll 2 fan.. he's just saying something and then I notice that he has a Summoning shirt.. I instantly go like "gosh.. I LOVE YOU ALREADY!!! don't mind me while I take my clothes off" *giggle*

hello! my name is...

Abanazer... that's one of the most gothic words ever.. just listen to the ring of it.. Abanazer... just like Emily and Lenore

Draconian - The Everlasting Scar

The Everlasting Scar (by Draconian)

I taught this will blow over.. I taught you'll come to your senses and calm down.. I taught that you will open your eyes and see that I am still here and I haven't gone anywhere... guess you won't.. your whole attitude.. it was fine with me cause I understood that you needed some time and some space but it's starting to really hurt her.. and that.. that I can not accept.. I was just standing there aside waiting for you.. yes I was holding her hand but dear I have two hands.. yes my heart belongs to her but you never really wanted it did you? she never took me from you.. but your actions just might do it now.. even though you broke my heart I still stayed beside you cause I know it was my and only my own fault... you never really made me feel at place and comfortable but I still stayed beside you cause I knew you needed me and you were dear to me... I am still here.. still waiting for you to calm the fuck down but I can't be patient forever with someone who hurts my love... I hope you understand that

the morning came with yet another pattern

my grandma [my mothers mother] just left.. she was here for few hours.. I woke up because I heard her voice.. I love my grandma she is ever so awesome.. she divorced my grandpa some years ago [it could be more than 10 now I think] and now lives alone but she is really happy with that cause now she has found herself and can do what ever the hell she wants.. since then she has traveled.. A LOT... not too far though but still.. she reads a lot and is really into metaphyzical stuff which I think is awesome.. and I enjoy having conversations with her ever so much... I kinda was planning to tell her about us.. never really got the chance but I somehow think that she already knows.. in a subconscious level... when ever she gives me a present she gives me a card with some greeting on it as well.. it's mostly quite long so I read it much later.. this time it was a lot shorter and I read it to myself on the spot.. it said "every person comes different in our lives. with a reason, for a moment or for the lifetime. listen to your intuition and you will discover the beautiful regularity of causes and consequences." I believe in patterns.. I see them everywhere.. everything happens as a consequence of something that has already happened.. she also gave me a bag of nuts.. a bag of walnuts still in their shells.. and some money.. the first thought in my head as I took it "what could I get for her"

can you see thous trees there? aren't they beautiful?

this day was simply brilliant till it's core
went to the sea.. as I alone walked trough the forstbiten forest my phone put on The Wolves (Act I and II) a moment of pure perfection
later I meat up with my dearest friends that I hadn't seen for such a long time.. we all are more mature now but still the same in the core and I love it ^^
after that meat up [again] with my girlfriend and we went to the new Potter movie which was awesome but a bit sad at the same time cause next part will be the last one *sigh* but now I really want to get all of the books in english and read them ^^
I lost one of my rings few days ago.. a massive silver spiral shaped snake around my finger.. I really loved that ring and it was expensive as well but for some reason I didn't really grieved that much about the loss it seemed quite natural that it's gone [though I really really loved that ring it was so awesome]... today I got a new one.. it perfectly fits in the place of the old one but this one's priceless
The black heart of a lost soul has find it's place.

future is the present and the present will never come

gosh it's cold in here... not as cold as there but still.. tough actually it wasn't that cold there.. actually it was really really warm there
"is it cold in here or is it just me?"
half of the school year will be over tomorrow.. oh my.. that's crazy seriously... this summer I'll have to find a place to live in.. I want a cat there.. I wonder should I live alone or with someone.. should be more fun with someone but.. time will show.. oh gosh.. will have to find a job as well.. want to get on my own feet as fast as I can..
we all are sick in here.. all of us.. you.. me.. they... we are all the same.. all the fucking same.. nothing differs.. no one differs.. the things you see.. nothing but sketches of reality

just one last thing that I forgot to say

this is it... now I can fully officially say - I've had my first kiss
all the ones before were too long or too short [mainly too long] to be considered as THE ONE... the one you'll remember for the rest of your life.. the one that's just prefect till it's core... the one that marks you... with the taste of her lips and craving for more

my bag is a part of me too

you know what I hate? what I really really hate? thous people in lines that stand too close to you... like I am just standing there.. minding my own business the line starts moving and I fallow the flow but the prick behind me thinks that the lines is moving faster so it starts to get closer to me by that trying to make me move faster without touching me.. but you know what? you are touching me.. you are constantly running into my bag.. you may have not noticed it but I do notice and that shit gets on my nerves... the line won't move faster because you are getting closer to me.. you won't get a seat on the bus only cause the line is moving faster.. it doesn't matter how fast you move.. your place in the line matters not the speed you are moving in it... keep your fucking distance!

Within Temptation - Our Solemn Hour

In Praise Of Bacchus (by Type O Negative)

no.. I am not dead.. at least not yet *giggle*
yeah I know I know another good period of time has passed since my last entry but as I already told in the previous one... I write when I'm sad and depressed.. in the pit you know.. but I haven't been there ever since.. maybe just for a second but she pulled me out in an instance so.... yeah... isn't that weird how people beside you never really sees the difference? I'll just say how it is for me... I used to be depressed.. like really really depressed and even suicidal.. for years.. before that.. I was just your normal happy kid.. no one really noticed the difference before and in the pit... maybe it's cause they see you almost every day or just are used to the way you are... were.. so they don't bother to open their eyes again and see what is happening with you.. only thous involved know... like now.. I am finally out of that bloody pit.. of the abyss of despair but I strongly doubt that anyone has noticed.. I am an introvert person in general I wouldn't even care that much unless... some months [almost half a year] ago I started an online music project with a guy from Egypt.. I gave him some texts and he wrote some melodies but then it somehow stopped... we hadn't talked for couple of months and then some days ago he contacts me.. you know the casual. oh hi how are you doing... stuff.. I'll pic out a piece of that conversation which surprised me quite much..

[11:11:07] Synchrol Wurm: Ouch!, It's has been so long time
[11:13:43] Corvus corax: :D indeed
[11:13:53] Synchrol Wurm: How u doing, How's everything ?!
[11:14:24] Corvus corax: I'm doing quite good thank you ^^ studying you know.. years coming to an end... what about yourself?
[11:15:00] Synchrol Wurm: studying, reading, make music bla bla bla
[11:15:18] Corvus corax: I see I see ^^
[11:15:57] Synchrol Wurm: Yeah
[11:16:16] Synchrol Wurm: you seems quite different after i saw changed your profile
(I used to have a missive about me on last.fm with pictures and shit.. then I changed it to just some lines)
[11:16:21] Synchrol Wurm: and everything went like :O WTF
[11:16:43] Corvus corax: changed like how?
[11:17:05] Synchrol Wurm: like i dunno
[11:17:07] Synchrol Wurm: lol
[11:17:32] Corvus corax: :D but seriously?
[11:18:02] Synchrol Wurm: i don't know like you was kinda depressed all the time but now i don't know think and when i was talking with you i never saw you put these emotions
[11:18:29] Corvus corax: well... yeah... I'm kinda out of that pit now
[11:18:34] Corvus corax: (wasntme)
[11:18:39] Synchrol Wurm: hahahahahaha
[11:18:47] Synchrol Wurm: Are you in love with something like that
[11:18:52] Synchrol Wurm: i mean
[11:18:58] Synchrol Wurm: in love with someone made you like that
[11:18:59] Synchrol Wurm: sorry
[11:19:11] Corvus corax: .... maybe
[11:19:24] Synchrol Wurm: Ohhhh
[11:19:52] Synchrol Wurm: that's great news *thumbs up*
[11:20:03] Corvus corax: ^^

we hadn't talked for months... and he noticed

and with that "maybe" I actually meant YES!!!... fucking yes.. I am in love.. so very utterly in love.... I don't really know what to do with myself anymore....
and now I wonder.. if you are reading this.. how much to do you know
"hey Bacchus... she hates me.. hey Bacchus.. she hates me!"

I had to put this in :3

It's Never Enough (by Type O Negative)

gosh... I've forsaken this place xD
but what can I say.. I tend to write when I am depressed and unpleased with something.. but lately I am anything but that.. of curse there are some little this and that but it's absolutely minor and hardly important or be sure to pass with time so yeah...
how am I doing?
actualy... pretty good thank you and I am not just sayin' that it's actually true.. isn't that weird
this evening was brilliant and ever so awesome and ahhh simply great... enjoyed it a lot but it was the last one I know I know but it doesn't sadden that much to be honest... all good things come to an end but if the end is brilliant it all has been worth it

Destroying Something Beautiful

the pain the darkness... an abyss of despair... I live in another world... no ones here.. they all watch me from the side and so do I... for ever alone.. the shadows whisper into my ear.... I am self-destructive... I must self-destruct... they will make me anyway... why do I even bother to open my mouth.. it always ends as a disaster.. and it always will they say me... this world of endless void... the pain.. the dark... it's like... without them I couldn't exist at all

the perfect Sunday morning

still hope alone means I can walk around in my underwear.. the sun is shining bright... got the lovely progressive metal tuned up and not just any progressive metal.. but Madder Mortem.. they are ever so lovely... got some coco and cheese bread.. haven't slept in at all...got great episodes to watch while I breakfast... all is just perfect.... well almost perfect
the last evening was great.. we really made some progress and the overall feeling was brilliant as well... going to play some tones now.. that only makes the morning even more perfect ^^

Isolation Years (by Opeth)

I guess I should post something... haven't done it for a while I think... and no I am not just trying to get out of the need to study.. I'll do it.. as soon as I'll finish this.... so the casual question
how are you doin'?
to be honest.. I am doing actually quite well... very well to be exact what is quite weird for me.. the one stuck in downward spiral... maybe finally I am starting to climb out of this pit.. haven't seen you for a while now but... maybe you are closer now than ever... a small gap has opened for me for a chance to really become a poet... I don't know for sure yet if I'll try to squeeze in that gap.. but I might as well try.. why not you know? why not...

in conclusion.. as we say now and I am planing to stick with it

FUCK PAST! FUCK DOUBTS!

Moonspell - 2econd Skin

we human beings are each a distant specie

"Although I do not believe that any animal in the world performs an action for the exclusive good of another of a distinct species, yet each species tries to take advantage of the instinct of others, as each takes advantage of the weaker bodily structure of others."

Charles Darwin "The origin of species"

Type O Negative - Gravitational Constant: G = 6.67 x 10^-8 cm^3 gm^-1 sec^-2

ONE TWO THREE FOUR..... I DON'T WANT TO LIVE NO MORE!!!!!

c'mon everybody... sing along \m/ ^^ \m/

November is finally here... do you know what it means?

The Gathering - You Learn About It

For the calm Sunday

31th of October

this is it.. my final blogtober entry.. and I actually made it yeeey for me ^^
last night was brilliant and full of experiences *giggle* but great anyway
I saw you last night.. it was you wasn't it? your face was different but I am sure it was you... you are somewhere out there.. I know it... I only have to be patient that's all... when I think about it.. almost all my life I've been nothing but patient... but.. was far as you visit me in my dreams now and then... I can wait... I will be able to wait.. here.. outside

morning seems fine.. at least for now

decided that I should make an entry now cause probably I'll forget later
woke up rather late just around 11:30 I think it was but it's ok it's all right
hope I'll get myself some sweet pumpkin later :3
got some new dsbm material last night.. seemed quite nice but I think I am falling for Hypothermia now ^^
the project is starting to sum up now and it looks quite good I must say
page says my shirt's been posted so now I only have to wait till the lazy post will deliver it to me.. ohh but I can't wait xD
can you believe it? it really is the one before the last one blog entry in blogtober.. maybe I should write something more but.. it can wait till tomorrow I think

An Autumn For Crippled Children

almost done with my outfit.. I'll look like a trashy Misty *giggle*
I couldn't say that I am bored I'm just doing nothing xD
ordered the Opeth shirt yeey ^^ now waiting for them to accept my money.. first time that I am ordering something for a web shop.. hope I did everything right... loss of money would suck a lot you know... but that shirt is so cute :3 it's like.. you know.. with a green logo and all ^^
oh and November is almost here.. isn't that great?

post-drone is brilliant and I just invented it ^^

my right arm is bigger than my left arm... my fucking right arm is bigger (biceps that is) and.. like that wouldn't be enough.. my left arms fingers are longer than the ones on my right arm.. damn.. I am getting more asymmetric by day.. damn xD
Hyatari is bloody brilliant... it's fucking post-drone and yes I know I just invented a new genre but listen to them.. specially to They Will Surface it is bloody post-drone and I love it ^^
the new song's getting quite neat I think.. full of rage and stuff :3 I think it's good that I came up with melody a bit too hard for myself to play.. so practicing it will rise my skill level.. I think it's silly if you only try to stay in thous lines you are comfortable with while creating something new.. there is no progress in there you know
oh.. and I need a bigger pick

let's get this thing rolling

yes and I finally can get to work... finished cleaning the two pieces of ~23min each video material....
now it looks like this and it only took me about 4 hours ^^

Evig Kyla (by Hypothermia)

hope for nothing
no ones gonna come no ones gonna come no ones gonna come no ones...
see thous hopes? let them die...
no ones gonna come and you are too fucking lazy to stand up on your own so live with it you old prick

The Baying Of The Hounds (by Opeth)

woke up in an empty flat.. so they are gone I guess... I simply feel better left alone that's just how it is... at least.. left alone by ones noisy and simply passing by... you know what I mean don't you?
suicides and lesbians and self harm of curse.. why am I so very attracted to thous things? *sigh* it can't really be explained can it? oh well I bet it can be but then again it would ask for some deep sinking into my.. khe.. childhood traumas *giggle*
I think I finished the song.. maybe a verse or two could be added but the words are there and melody as well and damn even a chorus and a bit weird ending.. ohh right.. I wanted to try to come up with some fancy intro.. right.. right... but I think it's quite good in general.. acoustic dsbm you might even say *giggle*

9 tin cans

life's irony
happily singing adult and laughing child in one room
and crying teenager sitting in dark in the room next to it
I just want to stand up and walk.. walk away in the night outside.. maybe have a smoke and just.. fuck it all.. maybe I should do it.. just stand up and walk away...
I hate how everything has to be the way you like it... you know what? fuck you... fuck you very much and I don't even care if you hear me or not.. you've never really had anyway
I also want to get fucked up really really fucked up and then die

old Tristania is good Tristania

I could never be a nanny I am not good with little kids.. simply don't know what to do with them.. ehh... actually I don't even know what to do with mates my own age xD
finished watching Simone.. it was nice all right could have had a but more of yuri and then it would have been perfect but it was lovely anyway.. only thing that saddens me is that now I have one less yuri anime to watch they don't make then often and it sucks a lot.. but I am not completely out of them yet so don't panic :3
oh and I figured out how to get thous things from my cam into pc so yeey I'll have something to do tonight ^^

I live in a castle of horrors

omg I love Effy... she's absolutely brilliant :3

Alone (by Forgotten Tomb)

all that psychology bullshit.. it's all about childhood traumas isn't it? your fucked upness must be somehow linked to your childhood and some sorta trauma you've had during that period... and what thous fuckers do ehh? they find this link weather it is there or not.. they find it and show it to you saying look... this is why you are fucked up.... but let me ask you this... what.. the fuck does it give to me?!! ehh?!! how the fuck know it will help me??? you are ignoring your problems they say... fuck them.. I am not ignoring my problems.. maybe once I did but not now that's for sure... I know that they are there.. I accept it... actually.. they've become a part of me.. almost a vital part of me... ohh and how I hate when people ask whats wrong with me and expects from me to give them some shitty clear answer like "my parents are divorcing" or "my marks are getting really low" or "my boyfriend left me" or "my dog died" or something like that... clear and simple.. something that for sure would bring anyone down but you see.. it's not like that with me.. and even if I try to explain... I don't need your fucking judgmental eyes.. I am sick of them I have enough of them in my head already and don't even dare to reproach me for my tries to hide.. you have a mask of your own so don't even fucking dare to reproach me... I am not ignoring my problems.. can you see the scars I bare with me.. thous are marks from the night time fights with my demons

Willow Smith - Whip My Hair

horns up for headbanging in a pop video \m/



at least this little chick comparing to that Bieber pussy got some balls.. you go girl

hit in progress

I am home.. yeey ^^
the practice was great and we really made some progress what is awesome of curse.. it all was great but I think the part on the tram stop was the best one and we really should make that song cause it has a great chance to become a hit I tell you that.. two words is all we need two words are the core of it all so why bother with more?
I got a new ring.. hell yeah \m/ ^^ \m/
that little chick really is disturbing and unpleasant

tududududud BEER!!!! tittitititi VODKA!!!!

ohh and by the way... happy Mole day everyone :3

The Gathering - Saturnite

Saturnine (by The Gathering)

school is over at least for this month isn't that nice? ^^
the day was really nice.. the little ones got good lesson and I got to film it all awesome is awesome.. I told that we should go somewhere and we did.. it was really nice and totally worth it wasn't it? some incidents always happen.. just don't mind them..
did you knew that tomorrow is the Mole day? isn't that ever so awesome? *giggle* all praise the lord
I think I've found my band of the upcoming week... The Gathering [Anneke is ever so brilliant, gorgeous and just utterly awesome] "you don't need to preach you don't have to love me.... all the time"

The Gathering - Analog Park

mind is a strange and wonderful thing I am not sure if it ever will be able to figure itself out everything else... the atom and the universe... everything except itself

shade of an early morming

I overslept.. again.. argh I hate it so much it makes rest of the day all like.. fuck this shit.. just wanted to get out of there as fast as I could.. damn... head hurts a bit but it's all right it's all fine... starting to loose any will to keep up my happy image in front of them.. what's the point? just don't.. don't don't don't.. lately I've been saying to myself over and over again.. just don't.. don't... I am a bit tired but it's all right it's all fine.. keep yourself together little girl there is not place for a mental breakdown now.. at least not a fast one... keep it slow

なんなん (by Mass of the Fermenting Dregs)

the bale was brilliant.. I feel so cultural now :3
middle of week so the most part is over *whew*
I wanted to say something... hmm
Mass of the Fermenting Dregs are awesome <3
I am not sporty.. not at all.. I used to be at least a bit.. now I totally am not but ehh.. can't do everything right? ;-)
k.. home late.. should get to studying..
see ya then ;-)

the day number 19 and I am still here

another day another lesson
why there were so many blue things there? did it really tried to show me something? I don't know... maybe... maybe I'm just imagining things again.. as always...
"No, Thank you!" is such a hype song.. seriously.. give it a try.. and read the lyrics too... rock out \m/
ehh.. should study now.. but I don't really want to.. but I should.. I ought to... ehh..
I like mornings.. they are so nice.. city's waking.. no ones yet around.. so nice
and I've lost it.. somewhere.. somehow.. but it's all right it's ok... maybe I'm better off without it you know.. maybe I never really had it in the first place..

oh what a lovely day to die

today I should say something new... but there is nothing new to be told.. there has never been anything new actually... things just repeat themselves...
the poetic thing was nice.. but I don't think I wrote anything worthy.. actually I have never written anything worthy.. at least not worthy to others.. I think.. but I don't know... I don't know a lot of things..
all is full of potential force.. it doesn't give me a shit though
everyone is full of potential actions... they don't change a shit
so everything stays as it is and simply repeats itself over and over again

Mass of the Fermenting Dregs - I F A Surfer

Eternal Damnation (by Ragnarok)

you came to me... in a dream.. it was you wasn't it?... but then you disappeared.. I never got to say goodbye... but maybe that's for better... maybe that means we'll meet again... someday... somehow... I'll be waiting and silently hope that you're waiting too

Falling Snow (by Agalloch)

today was... actually really awesome.. got pancakes for breakfast and I think we did a bloody good job.. I plaid the song again and realized how fucking awesome it is ^^ the play was nice.. I liked the whole idea about author as part of it...
I just hope that this day didn't turn out so nice just because I had a horrible night

oh and it snowed today as well.. first time this season.. and ahh.. it was ever so stunningly beautiful :3

Sledge-Hammered Heart (by Totalselfhatred)

I want to be down.. as down as I possible can... cause she gets sorry for me then and leaves me alone...
I want to cry.. get in the corner and cry.. cry till I pass out.. maybe when I wake up you will be here... then you will kiss me and say that I belong... that I finally belong
I went wrong... somewhere in my path I went so very wrong... now I am utterly lost
I am so very sorry.. to all thous lives I've interrupted with my actions.. with my presence... I wish I could go back.. before it all started.. to never make that wrong turn.. maybe then it all would have been fine and I would have done such horrible things...
when ever I get too close to someone I tend to fuck it all up in one way or another
I have such clumsy clumsy hands...
will I ever get out of this lacuna coil?

and all thous cheezy sayings that love is like a drug turns out to be true.... well kinda

"It turns out that the areas of the brain activated by intense love are the same areas that drugs use to reduce pain," said Arthur Aron, PhD, a professor of psychology at State University of New York at Stony Brook and one of the study's authors. Aron has been studying love for 30 years. "When thinking about your beloved, there is intense activation in the reward area of the brain -- the same area that lights up when you take cocaine, the same area that lights up when you win a lot of money."


the full article here

t.A.T.u. - All The Things She Said

it's all nice of curse [the idea and all] but that kiss is simply so fake and... umm... not gay... xD still the song is great and got itself stack in my head

simply as that

look..... I found another one :3

run, hide, cover up, die

and then they passed... from right to left... disappeared and reappeared just to let me know that they are leaving again..
and don't really know what should I say today
it rained.. which was nice of curse.. I think it still rains.. what is even better..
I want to listen to a lot of dsbm and watch a lot of yuri....
will they come after me? no ones coming after me...
stagnation
something's missing
don't you just love it when.... and I hate you even more
my journey in the underworld

true demativatore [or how ever you write it] is true

OMG.... it is sooooo fucking true xD

rapture

I should say something today as well right?
my hand hurts :< that fast picking thing aynt that easy.. ohh what can possibly be there that hard? just move your hand real fast and that's all... you know what... if you do so you will only get some off time asimetric shreding and that's good for nothing... but I think I am doing better then when I started so... that's more than nothing ^^
it's damn cold in here.. I like it when it's cold outside but I want my place to be warm... maybe I should put on some gloves...
the morning was brilliant.. the sky above simply magnificent.. looked like it's bleeding.. like there would have been a massacre in heaven and all the angels would bleed all over the space above..
still thinking should I or should I not lock myself utterly up... it's not like I am really that much needed by anyone I think.. company is always nice I understand that but I think I could be simply replicable... ohh if only it would make her go away... that voice in my head.. it's starting to get really annoying.. it's like I can't do anything without being criticized... I have to admit she is right.. at least most of the time but still... when I think back it almost feels like I've been criticized for everything I do my whole life... if not by others then by myself.. or her cause really at the moment she is branching off my entity and becoming an individual one.... and now again.. can you hear it? off curse I am NOT FUCKING ONLY ONE!!!! everyone I think have it the same way but god.... you don't have to rub it in my face again and again and again.... everything I say is wrong.. I guess I should just shut up then... you would like it wouldn't you?

"Light music club" you are bloody awesome

Just watched the final episode of K-ON!!
*sigh* I'll miss it... and I'm a senior this year as well... damn... *sigh*
but it was really great and Mio-chan fucking rocks \m/


and the final ending is fucking awesome

random entry title

there's really nothing much to say.. the days passes.. fungi makes me all sleepy [still]

having this urge to lock myself up... isolate... be that sad little girl
run away and hide.. this is not my place.. there should be someone else in this place.. they want someone else in this place.. they accept me but.... something's missing.... something's missing something's missing....

wait for me.. outside.. will you hold on? can you hold on?
I know that you are waiting... at least with this thought I comfort myself... I am waiting too

silent

Giant Had Witnesses

The one I had in my head in the school



and the one I had in my head during the lecture about fungi



and the one that plays in my head now

Ulver - Like Music

I want you
To tell me

Who you are
In your dreams

Who is there
And is it beautiful

Like music

Do you know
If it is a word

Is it love

Does it hurt
Deep inside

Like music

Can you hear it
It is fading


had it it my head for almost whole day... just listen to it.... once... maybe twice...
if you find it... if you do then you know what I mean.... and then you will know... we are on the same wave you and I


maybe I should say something more but... no... not now... better just listen to the song and join me as I sit here.... if you want to.... if you also find it.....

at least then they didn't ignore it

Listening to The Residents radio specials from 1977...

"now lets continue to listen to this so called music"

more than 30 years after and what has changed? nothing but the fact that these days no one would ever let such music play on mass radio stations.... and they still can't understand why it's called music.... we are going down here... down...down....down...

I am doing..... shit what?!!!....... yourself?

I feel so fucking weird... been feeling like this for a week or so now.. damn... not cool not cool.. like I am constantly half asleep.. I also feel so fucking lazy it isn't even funny anymore... the concept of reality is starting to shift.... The Residents are simply brilliant.. they were way ahead of their time and still are for the general public... I should get rid of this shit... too bad I have no bloody idea how I could do that *sigh* lets just hope that it won't lead me into a pit of which I won't be able to get out

and then she said

"Ri-chan - Besides, do you really want to get hit that badly?
Mugi-chan - Yes. I mean, you and Mio-chan look so close together whenever she hits you. The same with Yui-chan and Azusa-chan. It's like I'm always left out of the intimacy. I really want to be part of it!"

/K-ON!!/


*giggle* it's funny cause it's true

Lyckantropen Themes

so.. yeah... hi... hi there all of you... who ever you are.. yeah.. hi.. I'm back ^^

yesterday I went to meet with ma mates with whom I'm working on this MEP projects [don't know what mep is? google it you lazy ass] I'm working on the middle part of it and we came to conclusion that my main goal is to bring the audience in as deep and utter depression as I possibly can... [I lol'd inside] me.... to bring them down as much as I can... how am I ever going to do that?? xD but seriously this is brilliant
I ate normal breakfasts today yeey ^^ good for me :3
wouldn't it be funny if I would become anorexic now? like what else there of teenage fucked up ways are left I haven't tried yet? ohh.. I haven't done any serious drugs hmm... yeah... in general I think I've had a little bit of everything.... *sigh* great... simply.... great... *sigh* k... k.. I know it's not that bad I am not that down and all there are plenty of things I haven't been into and haven't experienced when I think about it it seems more like I wouldn't have experienced anything at all rather than something but you know.. I'm just sayin'....
while discussing the things around the project we also came upon a topic about why we have such alias as we do... about myself.. [they know me as "Grey"] that's just who I am in general... I am not bright.. I am not deep and dark like black or shiny and bright like white.. I am in the middle.. I am neutral... nothing specific... a little bit of everything but nothing at all at the same time... I can be anything but I am nothing... I don't go well together with everything like black or white.. nor I have some specifics with what I go together well and whit what I suck... I can stand next to anything like be there you know but there aren't anything I would go really well with like to what you could say "thous two colours are meant to be put together"
I am still obsessed with Ulver I love them ever so much and Morrowind as well.. I even dreamt about it last night xD

enter/exit

I am still here still doing this.. today was nice and I wanted to say something more but at the moment I just don't want to... feeling kinda tired.. maybe cause I haven't eaten anything normal today cause I never become able to... I should eat more... I really should... *sigh* k... I think I'll be logging out now so see ya later...

-over and out-

Wolfs evolve

got myself a new shirt.. and a tie ^^ awesome is awesome..

I am obsessed with Ulver.. falling for them ever so much

just can't...... stop..... listening to.....

Morrowind Bloodmoon mission are brilliant... first of all it all takes place on an island where Nords live.. I think you can imagine how it looks there [awesome awesome awesome]
and the missions are even more interesting than the main ones [and the main ones are really great]
find the stone and recover the power of it.... for the water one I had to find a small island off the shore and from there follow to a turtle called "swimmer" who lead me to an underwater cave... how awesome is this? to swim next to turtle as it is leading you to a cave? damn... I want to play some more xD

and when did you dreamt last time?

omg the 7th.... have I ever told you that I dream very very rarely.. :-/
the 14th and there's the answer to the question I've been asking myself for some time now

and what do you think about the fish?

hey! ho! this day is old! and so are you!

am I doing this right? he... hello.. my name is [] and I am here to represent the way of the new wave you know what I am talking about right? [if you do then tell me please as I have no bloody idea]

there was a redhead in my english book.. for almost all lesson I just could take me eyes of her.. I tried.. really hard.. I really did but I just couldn't... redheads are bloody hot.. they are the hottest thing ever.. seriously.. I of curse mean the natural ones not the fake ones [like myself].. they have gorgeous red hair, they are pale, they have freckles and they are slim [it's all in general of curse but still] can it get even better? I strongly doubt it.. at least not for me..... am I turning into a dyke? no.... I don't think so.. it's just a faze.. I've been watching too many shows and such related to the topic.. influence does it's work... it's not like I despise man I just... don't feel that attracted to them I guess... at least not in general... they are nice and all but... yeah... of curse I can't judge and say anything really.. my experience aynt that wide you know... but.. well yeah... *giggle* *looks away*

and I know I am not and I know I am all

blogtober is cool blogtober is great
I am feeling better than yesterday w00t w00t ^^

evnin' my dear.. khem.. who ever the heck you are or are not
today was... and I am back home... had decent breakfasts for once... but never managed to get proper lunch...
I like horror cause it makes me feel comfortable
fluffy pink bunnies gives me paranoia
you can never get what you want and you don't ever want what you can get
this shit is random but so am I
am I? and nothing really matters
am I? are you still here?
am I? still walking this path every day
the leaves are falling.. it's my time of the year

under the infulence of Butterfly (by Tapping The Vein)

look at me now
I'm participating in a homicide
look at me now
I'm killing them all in my head
they don't know it yet
but they are corpses in my head
another new face meaningless
I'm participating in a homicide

Puking is metal xD and helping fellow mates is metal too \m/

So Long, Scarecrow

it's evening and I am making the second entry.. yeah I didn't forget ^^
I am better now thanks for asking and... I found my ring ^^ [it was in my bed]
and yes I am totally, utterly and completely over him the only problem is.. that I am not that much over someone else but maybe I shouldn't get over.. maybe that's how it should be between.. you know.. well k k.. at first place I shouldn't really be into but I am and there's not that much I can do about it so... yeah...
lately I've been having these dreams more and more often.. when I am with someone.. but don't get me wrong there's nothing of pornographic nature there I simply am not that kinda person... actually I might be but.. there's nothing like that in there so don't worry... maybe my alone time is coming to an end.. maybe... soon... someone... somehow... will find me.. you know that I really am not that good in searching... I am an observer.. I sit look around and wait... or maybe thous dreams are meant to make it easier for me to get along whit this.. state of mine... here I dear to have a little hope... maybe my alone time is finally coming to an end... maybe...


p.s. damn it.. I just noticed that I do really write whit not with but it's just a type-o I have no idea why.. when I write with hand it always comes out correct but with keyboard.... it's weird xD

how is raven like a writing desk?

yes I know I know 4th day and I already have missed two posts but what can I do if memory is not a good friend of mine? so... because I missed yesterdays post I'll be giving two entries today... one now and one in the evening lets hope I won't forget about the second one...

a poem to my belly

oh my dearest belly
thou art so weak
thou even can't hold
a goblet of beer

oh my dearest belly
thou art so weak
next time we meet
I'll give you some tea

did you know that I had nothing so vile?

- ohh fuck.. I almost forgot
- what?
- you know.. the thing
- what thing?
- that thing I've been secretly planning to do and hoping that I won't forget
- watch all seasons of dino barny?
- what?... no.... I am talking about blogtober
- blo... what?
- blogtober.. you know.. blog + october = weird random everyday blog month
- ohh.. right.. so you are starting now? at the second one.. way to go *khe khe*
- I tagged yesterdays post as blogtober so it counts.. I started at time
- no you didn't
- ohh shut up

so yeah all my beloved followers.. lovers and haters and of curse you.. I mean me... I've decided to put a little task above me.. a task named blogtober.. where for a full month I will blog every day... or at least try to and hope that I won't forget
today I...
got up
cleaned the room
watched some movies
plaid guitar
watched some movies again
plaid Morrowind (started bloodmoon missions)
washed my hair
and somewhere in the middle lost my ring.. and it sucks.. a lot.. though.. I had this feeling for some time now that I am about to lose it so when now it happened I didn't felt that surprised, socked and sad

we live in a void... enjoy the journey

photogenetic recap

and often we see the things they tell us as the things that really are
cold icy morning
snow caps on trees
two eyed monster with white burning eyes
passes
lonely wind greets me with a smile
she kissed me on the cheek as I left
walking for hours

Ulver - Porn Piece Or The Scars Of Cold Kisses

don't you love it when you are looking for a great song and you find that someone has made video for it using a great movie and the two together makes up a total brilliance

I remember walking, one side of town to the other
Alone one night in January... or February
It's like in an old movie from some other land
It lasted for hours

Only streelights
And the grating of gravel in pedestrian subways

I remember some trees which stood black and naked
Weatherbeaten hollows of snow
With sparse lumps of ice,
Been scraped off by the wind alone
And on the stairs before I left
One of the girls had surprisingly given me a kiss
Stung in the cold long after

utterly awesome is awesome

I <3 Bette ^^

"..instead it festered into a pathology and I think the some of it made me pretty disfunctional you know... probably made me into the disfunctional lair that I was for a most of my young kinda life... [..] I don't know I think that's why I write cause you just want to get all this stuff out"

-Jenny, The L Word 4x2


see? I am not the only one who says that

Everything Invaded (by Moonspell)

hey.... yeah I just wanted to say... since the road home sparked some thoughts in my head and the trouble falling sleep later on made the grow larger... I don't really know if I should be sorry for the things I do and don't do... have done and will do... I've been sorry for so many things in my life but it has never really made a difference... and what does sorry mean at all? that you would like to take back the things you've done the words you've said.. you know what? you can't and if the things you've said and done makes you look like an egocentrical whore well then you are one... live whit it.. and I will try too...
I don't know how to communicate whit people that aren't just your everyday friend... you know.. the usual mate you see now and then and can chat about some everyday shit... I've never really had [and here I refer to time period between my birth and the beginning of my high school days cause by the time I got into high school the way I look to people and relationships was so fucked up there is no way I could talk in clean terms] that one true bff... the mate you have always by your side and can talk to about everything and anything at all... the person who knows everything about you and you know everything about... I don't really know but should you have someone like that in your earlier days? I know that for some people this function has been overtaken by their brothers/sisters but since I am the only child this option falls off for me.... maybe that's why I've trouble to talk about myself now.... cause I've never really done that and because of that for me it mostly seems that if someone's asking how are you doing or so.. they don't really want to know how are you doing.. they just want to have a chance to tell someone how they are doing.. they don't really give a crap about you and why should they? they see you only now and then... the most probably would give a crap if you somehow get in hospital or get married or something like that.. they are your friends after all but as long as you're doing fine... maybe I see this in such way cause I've never really talked about myself... I've never really trusted anyone... the few times I did I ended up on the edge of an utter mental breakdown... hmm I wonder what could I've learned from that?.....

alphabet my way

I'll let someone else talk in my place

KFC is Krieg

Blackwater Park (by Opeth)

she says she can't write? how is that possible.. I've seen her doing that.. she says she can not write... has she tried? of curse she has and more than once but there isn't any use.. has she really tried? yes?... then that's why she says she can't write.. if she has really tried it is for no use.. someone made her do that.. who? they? others? herself? why the fuck is she trying if she don't want to? if you don't want to write then don't I would say.. if you don't feel like you must then don't.. seriously don't.. if she feels like she can't.. then don't.. there are plenty of other.. better things to do... why am I writing? because I feel like I must get things out of my mind.. cause if I put them down they won't spin in my head in circles making me feel all dizzy inside... write only if you feel like you must... writing is good for my health.. to keep everything inside... thous thoughts start to rot infecting the good ones as well... I am a mess my head is a mess.. a pile of everything and nothing.. I have no box system.. I think I had one once.. a long time ago... now it's only a pile so now and then I must take something out before it starts to rot... she says she can't write... sounds like she doesn't have to.. then why bother yourself and try? I suppose she can store the things in her head without the need to take something out... I envy her then... truly I do... but if she still would like to try.. maybe just for the sake of "and what if I manage to?" all I can say... start by little.. like.. "Dear diary.. today I had backed potatoes for lunch.. I like baked potatoes.. they make up the main part of my diet" cause you know.. when you have a chance to look back to the things you've had in your mind in past... it's truly interesting and helps on self exploring a lot.... as for myself.. besides all that including the self exploring part.. I really love to over read some stuffs I have put down.. to read and thing "you know what? this really is something good.. and I don't really care if anyone else think it's crap"

I should remeber this at thous late hours... but as I try I fail again and again and again..

because I had nothing better to do

the first test was picked but others chosen randomly by the page

You Are a Drawing

You appreciate things that are simple and elegant. You believe that complexity is mostly used to mask flaws. You believe that art is about leaving more to the imagination. The best art isn't overly showy or flashy. It subtly beautiful.

What Type of Art Are You?

Work is Hard. Time for Blogthings!

You Have Good Manners 77% of the Time

Your manners are quite excellent. You are well versed in etiquette. Of course you have the occasional slip up, but you even apologize with grace.

How Are Your Manners?

Blogthings: We'll Tell You The Truth... Someone Has To!

What Your Handbag Says About You

You tend to be relaxed throughout the day. You are naturally at peace. You tend to be relaxed but alert. You keep your eye out for anything unusual. You are a high maintenance person. You feel lost outside of your normal environment. You are open and comfortable with who you are. You don't hide anything. You are a very creative person. Your life tends to be a whirlwind, but you always seem to pull it together. You are practical and down to earth. You tend to be a rather reserved and quiet person.

What Does Your Handbag Say About You?

Blogthings: Quizzes and Tests and Memes, Oh My!

You're a Playful Kisser

Kissing is a huge game for you... a way to flirt and play. You're the first one to suggest playing spin the bottle at a party. Or you'll go for the wild kiss during a game of truth or dare. And you're up for kissing any sexy stranger if the mood is right!

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

Your Inner Pop Princess Is Kelly Clarkson

"Grew up in a small town And when the rain would fall down I'd just stare out my window Dreaming of what could be" No doubt about it, you have star quality. Might just take a while to get there.

Who's Your Inner Pop Princess?

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

You Are Curling

What you lack in athleticism, you make up for in concentration. And while curling isn't much more of a sport than bowling, you *can* win a gold medal for it!

What Winter Sport Are You?

Blogthings: Waste Time at Work!

-about the above one- I knew it I bloody I knew it!!!! xD

You Are Deep

You try to observe the world rather than judge it. You feel like you are here to learn. You see every side to people. You know that things are complicated and nuanced. You have trouble getting along with people who are flippant or silly. You crave substance. You connect best with philosophical, thoughtful types. Your friends care about ideas.

The Paint Daub Test

Blogthings: Learn Something Surprising About Yourself

Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate

You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger. You have a heart of gold and are likely to blog for a cause. You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you! A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

Blogthings: A Fine Line Between Insight and Stupidity

Katatonia - Sold Heart

I know I know I already posted it but.. had it in my head all day long... and yesterday as well..





When my heart stops
Will my wings unfold ?
Did you know that I had no one but you?
When my eyes close
Will your blood turn older?
Did you know that I had no one but you?

In the snow veil
Where the ring of promise felt
In the cool, white air
One stood abiding
When the road turns
Will my ghost find freedom?
Did you know that I had nothing?
So I...

Sold my love
Forgot the vow
It feels like nothing comes to mind
I pull the weight
And sing
That there's a new cloud over my grave
Now I know
That it'd kill me when I could not have you
Sold my heart

Digimons > Pokemons

isn't it funny how some random web quizzes reveal your true self?

Forever Failure (by Paradise Lost)

why am I here?.. ohh it's just... wait what?
inconvenient tolerance
I am doomed to be stoned in the sludge swamp.. but I am completely fine whit that.. at least for now.. isn't this weird.. I feel like I am lying to myself no matter what I say/think... no matter what opinion I overtake.. just be yourself they say... you want me to be myself? help a little out and tell.. who the fuck am I.. cause I have no idea... no matter what I say.. it all feels like a lie..... lost.. somewhere.. nowhere... each thing I do it all seems fake.. each word I say... I'll better stay silent... in eyes they say.. in eyes you can see if it's true or false.. but even eyes lie.. to me... to you.. to you... they have always lied... the truth's been lost.. oh where are you when I need you the most.. will I ever find you again? did I even ever possessed you? "I don't really know what sorry means. I've been sorry all my life" I don't really know what truth is. I've been lying all my life... oh and here it comes.. the fall... I can feel the wind striking my face... the ground when it comes.. will I break again? well will it come? I am sorry.. I'm so sorry I lied.. but I don't know what the truth is anymore... I should just go.. there is no use.. I messed it up.. the game has been lost... nothing but misunderstanding... it's always just misunderstanding... I am sorry...



how comes that the right song always comes at the right time unexpected?

the theory of everything

had my first lesson in philosophy today.. nothing that new only at one part it gave me a hint how I could best describe my idea.. my theory of everything.. I've had this idea for quite some time now so I decided that it's finally time for me to try and put it down
you see we live.. or more precisely we exist in two worlds the deeply subjective and the utterly objective one
the subjective one takes place in our heads as idea of reality.. the way we see, hear, smell etc. is individual as well as the way we respond to these irritants.. it all happens in or minds so the state of ones mind is supreme in action of creating the world around us.. have you ever noticed how different things look, smell, taste etc. depending on your mood? sun really shines brighter when you're happy.. rain really falls more heavy when you're sad... as primitive as that... we all have or own little worlds that exists only in our heads as ideas about reality.. world doesn't exist where we can't see it... but what about other people? you might ask... they also are only ideas in our heads.. the way we see people is never ever the way they truly are even if we get to know someone ever so good still or subjective mind will store them [in a form of information] and the way we'll have them in or mind will never be the way they are cause our subjective observation disfigure the reality.. we live in reflection of the real world.. and that reflection is created in our minds
that's only one side of the medal.. other side is the utterly objective one.. where we don't live as individuals but exist as a small part of civilization..
family -> school -> city -> country -> climate zone -> Earth
because we live in our heads and observe all trough there we can't see this on ordinary bases.. but it's a different world.. a world where everything happens much slower.. where our lifetime lasts only a second and rarely makes any visible changes
we live in the subjective world but exist in the objective one

morning of the remembrance

I just want
someone to understand
someone to hold my hand



last night
and I think they are back
last night
and it feels like I'm going back

but maybe
I never really moved
but maybe
it never really stopped

constant confusion
can you imagine what it's like?
utter confusion
try to imagine what it's like

and when the state aynt so
it's one of two
cold and empty [nothings never]
agonizing pain [please just let me die]

I am not just saying this
please try to understand
I am not just saying this
that's where I've really been



I just want
someone to understand
someone to hold me hand

and I fall again

When the Tomorrow Is a Grey Day (by The Last Days)

we are alone... you... me... all alone.. that men you saw on the street today.. he's alone too... you want to know why? how can I tell it so strictly? maybe he's anything but alone... but that's not true we all are alone... cause thous things that makes us who we are.. some might say even the things that makes us human.. we do alone.. we think and feel alone... we all have or little universes in our heads where we live alone and nothing can change that.. the way I see things.. you'll never see them like me.. the way you feel it.. I'll never feel the same... we all have our own little universes where we live alone... some people now and then have guests in their universes... they call it sickness... they say it's ill to have other people in your little universe that you have in your head.. you have to be alone... but as soon as you'll understand and accept that.. you will never feel lonely again.. ever...
of curse it is nice to have friends.. relationships whit other minds but you see.. there is no way that you will stand next to each other forever the sad part is.. that it's very easy to get used to.. even addicted of other people.. and if the parting time comes and you haven't understood and accept the reality of being eternally alone.. there's a big possibility that it will mess up your mind... make you feel empty and ever so lonely and it's truly nothing pleasant... you have to be responsible for your actions... you can't let others get addicted of you........

I've finally found this fragment of Zeitgeist

any comments needed? I doubt it

aftermidnight fun wiiii ^^

why the FUCK am I watching this? *looks into clock* ohh... that explains it.. at least a little [it's 00:47 by the way]
0:18 HaHaHa I fucking love this clip already
I like the way how many times she says bitch =^.^=
1:15 uuu... nice khe khe *smirk*
that voice sounds very...... interesting?... but I like it... maybe only because I have a tendency to like weird voices [there's even a last.fm group for that.. aynt that awesome? ^^]
by the way I have Deicide on the background playing [that some fucking serious anti-christian death metal if you didn't know]
is this what kids watch these days? and we wonder why they all are so... getting pregnant at 14.. no big deal

Look at it... just look at it

Hey guys... can I say guys? you are more than one here right? at least I think so... anywho... haven't made an entry for quite some time.. I am sorry *sad face* but that's just in my nature you know... to dissapoint...... back to the point.... wait.. I had no point.. damn... just let me try again...
I wanted to yack about this picture cause I have it as my phones wp for a week or so now and.... let me start from the beginning... one evening a sudden urge struck me.. I wanted some yuri action on as my phones wp... why you ask? no particular reason.. a sudden urge that's all... after ~15min of pic searching this was the best I could find so I just decided to use this one.. "well.. it's not that bad" I thought.... some time has passed and.... I think I am in love whit this picture... the more I look at it the more I love it... if at first I was like "meh" then now "OMG I Love it!!!" it feels like whit the each glace I put upon it I fall in love whit it deeper and deeper.. I can't really explain why is that so... it simply is.... the same thing happened whit my pc wp I have now.. I simply wanted some anime action on there so somehow I found this one... long story short.. at first "meh" and now "dai ski!!!!! [it means love in jap by the way... at least I think so ^^]"

Are you ready for some EPIC shit?!!!

On one hand there is so much to say.. on the other.. it always leave me speechless... the best theme song from the best RPG ever.. EVER.... nothing can beat this... this feeling it gives to you.. the feeling of something new slowly appearing on the horizon.. like a deep breath that you take before diving in unknown waters... the ants that rushes on your skin when you clearly know.. something exciting.. something very very exciting is about to happen... something big... something massive.. even that will change the ways of the whole world.. and you are going to be a part of it.. in fact... you are going to be the cause and solution to it... you... will be the hero though you don't know it yet.. the scent of unknown lands yet to be explored of battles yet to be fought... it's all yet to come but you know.. there is no turning back.. the ship has arrived
"Quiet, here comes the guard."

Slave To Negativity (by Forgotten Tomb)

now I'll just write something to pass the time cause I want to hear this song before I go to bed
Forgotten Tomb - Negative Megalomania
I have colds... how awesome is that?
it's a bit over 10pm and I want to go to bed cause staying awake would cause even grater agony than the one I am into now...
went to cos con.. it was quite cool.. the even itself was.. well.. could have been better.. but the bunch of mates I met there.. they all were awesome so in the end event wasn't that bad after all...
that motorcycle chick in full pvc costume was so.... bloody.... hot *ecchi* seriously.. it might was well have been the hottest thing I've seen in my life [so far]
mmm... orgasmic riff mmm.... orgasmic riff is orgasmic..
the song is ending and I am going... hope tomorrow will be.... ehh.. I already know that it won't... fucking hope.. that shit is useless

The Gathering - Shortest Day

read the lyrics you ignorant fool



He's in a rush run
He has to hurry dash
He's in a rat race
Never at a slow pace

Forever dangerous
And never serious
Up on your energy
Expect no sympathy

Appreciation is overrated
Resting is for fools

He lets his blood boil
Always in turmoil
Blasting his every way
Throughout the shortest day

Forever dangerous
And never serious
Swimming against the stream
And steal all of your dreams

Aggravation is appreciated
He'll use you like a tool
Association is overrated
Friends are for fools

He's in a rush
Fever round his eyes
I do not dare and cross him
He'll smash you with his lies

Ever so dangerous
He'll haunt you seriously
I wouldn't go within a mile radius of him