In Praise Of Bacchus (by Type O Negative)

no.. I am not dead.. at least not yet *giggle*
yeah I know I know another good period of time has passed since my last entry but as I already told in the previous one... I write when I'm sad and depressed.. in the pit you know.. but I haven't been there ever since.. maybe just for a second but she pulled me out in an instance so.... yeah... isn't that weird how people beside you never really sees the difference? I'll just say how it is for me... I used to be depressed.. like really really depressed and even suicidal.. for years.. before that.. I was just your normal happy kid.. no one really noticed the difference before and in the pit... maybe it's cause they see you almost every day or just are used to the way you are... were.. so they don't bother to open their eyes again and see what is happening with you.. only thous involved know... like now.. I am finally out of that bloody pit.. of the abyss of despair but I strongly doubt that anyone has noticed.. I am an introvert person in general I wouldn't even care that much unless... some months [almost half a year] ago I started an online music project with a guy from Egypt.. I gave him some texts and he wrote some melodies but then it somehow stopped... we hadn't talked for couple of months and then some days ago he contacts me.. you know the casual. oh hi how are you doing... stuff.. I'll pic out a piece of that conversation which surprised me quite much..

[11:11:07] Synchrol Wurm: Ouch!, It's has been so long time
[11:13:43] Corvus corax: :D indeed
[11:13:53] Synchrol Wurm: How u doing, How's everything ?!
[11:14:24] Corvus corax: I'm doing quite good thank you ^^ studying you know.. years coming to an end... what about yourself?
[11:15:00] Synchrol Wurm: studying, reading, make music bla bla bla
[11:15:18] Corvus corax: I see I see ^^
[11:15:57] Synchrol Wurm: Yeah
[11:16:16] Synchrol Wurm: you seems quite different after i saw changed your profile
(I used to have a missive about me on last.fm with pictures and shit.. then I changed it to just some lines)
[11:16:21] Synchrol Wurm: and everything went like :O WTF
[11:16:43] Corvus corax: changed like how?
[11:17:05] Synchrol Wurm: like i dunno
[11:17:07] Synchrol Wurm: lol
[11:17:32] Corvus corax: :D but seriously?
[11:18:02] Synchrol Wurm: i don't know like you was kinda depressed all the time but now i don't know think and when i was talking with you i never saw you put these emotions
[11:18:29] Corvus corax: well... yeah... I'm kinda out of that pit now
[11:18:34] Corvus corax: (wasntme)
[11:18:39] Synchrol Wurm: hahahahahaha
[11:18:47] Synchrol Wurm: Are you in love with something like that
[11:18:52] Synchrol Wurm: i mean
[11:18:58] Synchrol Wurm: in love with someone made you like that
[11:18:59] Synchrol Wurm: sorry
[11:19:11] Corvus corax: .... maybe
[11:19:24] Synchrol Wurm: Ohhhh
[11:19:52] Synchrol Wurm: that's great news *thumbs up*
[11:20:03] Corvus corax: ^^

we hadn't talked for months... and he noticed

and with that "maybe" I actually meant YES!!!... fucking yes.. I am in love.. so very utterly in love.... I don't really know what to do with myself anymore....
and now I wonder.. if you are reading this.. how much to do you know
"hey Bacchus... she hates me.. hey Bacchus.. she hates me!"

I had to put this in :3