You... My Ruin

listen to me while reading this or there will be no point in anything I say

it was raining outside and it was raining inside too... I hadn't had cried for so very long [during Skyforger - Last Battle doesn't count] it looks like I do can still do that... I am not a party person and with each one I understand it more and more clearly.. tea party is my kinda party.. where people just sit, enjoy a good cup of tea and falls into hours long conversations about small and general as well big and deeply personal things... while thinking about the times I've spend with my friends as the most pleasureful ones I remember the ones where we were just somewhere out.. siting and talking and talking not because we had to fill the disturbing silence no.. talking because we had something to say and, what is most wonderful, we had someone who would listen to us.... I have a friend she lives in another city.. we meet each other very rarely but when we do... we will take the bikes, ride to some nice and quiet place and just talk.. if we would meet each other more often maybe we wouldn't have things to talk about but as it happens so rare we are able to simply sit in a forest or a river coast and share the things that's been bugging or heads... thous moments are the ones I do enjoy the most....
I need someone who would come to my tea party.. I am tired of talking with stuffed animals and they never drink their tea..
I need a lover... someone who would want my flesh and nothing more "your skin is all I want to take from you"
today in tram I saw a tall black figure with long red hair.. I've seen her before but first time this close.. I have to admit it I don't really like her face but... her hands... pale white with long black nails and long slim fingers it almost seemed they were made of porcelain.. and her skin.. in the light of the pale day it looked almost like made of rubber -giggle- but it caught my eye and I couldn't stop but to admire it
I wonder if someone will ever get to me.. so far away I am now... I wonder if someone won't give up on their path.. so very long it is so whats the point? and I wonder.. if anyone will ever get here.. will there be anything left?